A Fool's Paradise
by DeadPigeon
Summary: The Doctor and Clara finally cross that invisible line and unexpected consequences follow.
1. This Old Man

**This Old Man**

She had touched him in the forest, her hand on his arm and that was all it took. Afterwards he couldn't keep himself from spouting some nonsense about a "strangely compelling masculine figure." It was telling.

There was something wrong with him. He had been trying hard to hide it, but ever since his regeneration, physical contact with others seemed to send his body into overload. The kiss from the girl at Nottingham castle, the hug from Saber, it was all too much.

He had isolated himself in that basement on Trenzalore all those years ago, fighting the good fight but never getting close to anyone. They would all die eventually and losing that many people would be too painful to bear. So he denied himself. And now he was paying the price for that denial. Now he wanted and desired all the time, and it made him cross. Why was he given to these feelings in such an old body? Why wasn't he still young looking like he had once been? He still felt vigorous and strong, but looking at himself now…he felt foolish.

He felt especially foolish near Clara. He had thought of himself as her boyfriend before he'd changed. Why hadn't he acted on it then, when she would have wanted him? Now, he thought it was best to push her away. So he left her on the moon and made her choose. And it had worked…for a while.

Why did she have to call him up and ask for one last trip? As much as it had hurt him to leave her the way he did, it hurt even worse to see her again. But truth be told, he wanted to see her again. She was right. He was addicted. He was addicted to her.

He almost lost all his composure on that bloody train ride. She had held his arm tightly and rested her head on his shoulder as she sweetly confessed, "_In could never hate you." _He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her then and there. It was all he could do to get her to change the subject. _"Can we talk about the planets now?" _And so, as they continued to travel together, he talked, and talked and talked and talked. It was the only way to keep his mind from straying where it didn't need to go.

He was standing next to Clara on her balcony, thinking all these thoughts as they watched the forests of London disappear. He was even thinking about leaving her again when another realization struck him. _Why was he still parking the Tardis in her bedroom? _Her living room was larger. Why didn't he park there?

_You daft old fool! _He knew exactly why.

He turned abruptly from the balcony and hurried to the Tardis. He had to leave, now!

As he fled he could hear her calling to him as she followed.

"Doctor…Doctor!"

He made it to the Tardis door before she caught up to him.

"Doctor, where are you going?"

He didn't know what to say. "I have a thing."

"You have another thing?"

"Yes." He fumbled with the lock on the Tardis. "And it might take a while."

Clara was immediately suspicious. "Doctor, nothing you do can possibly take…a while. You have a time machine."

He finally managed to open the door, but he wouldn't turn and look at her.

"Well, this might. So go and live your life with PE." He moved to enter the Tardis, but Clara grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Doctor?" He still wouldn't look at her. "Are you ditching me?"

She noticed his hand tightening on the Tardis door frame. "I have a thing," he repeated and tried to pull away. Clara tightened her grip and pulled back.

"Doctor, what's wrong. Something's wrong. I know it. What aren't you telling me?"

His hearts ached. He finally turned his head and looked down at her hand on his arm. His reply was terse. "Please let go."

What she saw in his eyes made her shiver before letting go.

"Why?" She demanded. "Why do you have to go now?"

He couldn't explain. "It's just the way it has to be."

Clara struggled to keep her tears at bay. She should have left it at angry. Angry was easy. This…this was too much to bear. "Why did you come back then? You should have just stayed away." A few tears escaped.

He finally looked at her, and upon seeing the heartache in her eyes he had to close his. Her heartache felt worse than his own. "I'm sorry", he mumbled in his deep raspy voice.

Clara wiped her eyes. "Well if this really is goodbye…then I apologize for this in advance." She knew he hated a scene and especially physical contact, but she was determined to say goodbye properly. And that meant one last hug.

She stepped forward and threw her arms around his neck before he could protest. She felt his sharp intake of breath as his body stiffened. She expected that, but she never expected to feel his arms around her. But there they were…tentative at first. She felt his hands at the middle of her back, resting.

She squeezed him a little tighter and whispered in his ear. "I'm going to miss you."

She loosened her hold so she could give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek. Her movement had the Doctor turning his head and the kiss she was going to place on his cheek became a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

She had accidentally breached his defenses, and he couldn't help what happened next. He moved his head further to capture her mouth with his. He felt her tense up, but now that he was in…he was all in, and he pressed her tiny figure against his.

Clara was shocked. Shocked at how much she had missed his touch. And the kiss? It was unexpected, but she found herself responding. It was awkward and intense for them both. They were crossing a forbidden line but the moment swept them away. It was the sharing of breath, the taste of yin and yang mixing into an intoxicating nectar that only made them want more. His hand slid upwards to the back of her neck as he tried to capture more of her. Clara helped by running her hands through his hair and was briefly surprised that it felt softer than it looked. Thought aside, she grabbed a handful and pulled him further in. Their tongues slid together, soft and wet, and their moans became a duet.

He spun her around and pushed her up against the Tardis door. His lips were no longer the only thing he was pressing against her. She responded instinctively by wrapping her left leg around his. He found her leg with his hand and pulled it up higher, almost picking her up off the ground. His hand continued up the fabric barrier of her slacks till he found the opening where her pants met her shirt. He slid his hand underneath her jumper and the warmth of her skin enticed him further onward. He found her breast and then… he quickly pulled away.

He stumbled back so fast his legs collided with her bed and he found himself sitting. He was mortified at what he'd done. He looked at her briefly before burying his head in his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…" He shook his head.

As she adjusted her shirt, Clara herself was surprised at how far things had gotten. He wasn't even Her Doctor, or her "boyfriend", as he had so definitively informed her. That revelation had surprised her too. She'd always fancied him, but the way he kept himself apart from others and from her, she never thought that what just happened was ever a possibility. _Why_ _now_? She wondered. Why not before he changed?

She looked at the wretched figure now huddled shamefully on her bed. He needed help. He needed her. She approached carefully and knelt down on the floor in front of him so that she would be at eye level. "Doctor."

He didn't budge, so she entreated him again. "Doctor, please look at me." Instead of looking, he repeatedly mumbled something into his hands. She thought it sounded like the word "stupid". She wasn't getting anywhere like this, so she reached up and took hold of his wrists. The mumbling stopped. "Please." She entreated again. His hands parted and the anguish on his face was painful.

"I'm sorry Clara. I'm a foolish old man. Can you ever forgive me?"

"If you're foolish Doctor, than so am I. There's nothing to forgive."

"But…I'm not your boyfriend."

She smiled at the reference. "No…you certainly are not."

He pulled his wrists free and motioned his hands towards his face. "I'm an old man Clara."

"Yes you are. About two thousand years old if I remember you correctly."

His brow furrowed. That's not what I mean."

She patted the back of his hand to calm him. "I know."

He pulled his hand away. "You don't need this."

There was one thing she did need. She needed to understand. "So why now?"

He was confused by her question. "Why "what" now?"

"Why did you kiss me just now? Why didn't you just leave?"

He didn't answer right away, but took up a pensive pose with one arm across his waist and the other supporting the hand now curled around his chin and mouth.

"I tried." He finally said.

Now she was the one confused. "Tried what?"

"I tried to leave, just now."

He was avoiding, so she pressed. "And the kiss?"

This question took him from pensive to earnest and he began rubbing his hands together.

"Nine hundred years."

"What?" She didn't understand his reply.

"I was on Trenzalore for nearly nine hundred years. And in those years do you know how many days I thought about you? About seeing you again?"

She could only shake her head.

"Every one."

She realized what he was really saying. "Oh my god. You waited for me. For nine hundred years."

"But then I came back with this face." He flailed his hands at himself again. "With these lines!"

She caught his hands and stilled then on his knees. "Age is just a number."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Quoting an old earth adage is not going to put everything right Clara."

A smile crept up the left side of her mouth. "You're only as young as you feel."

"Oh, that's better," he snarked. "I must be at least ten thousand years old then."

She kept on. "Beauty is only skin deep."

"Yes, well that's because we're all blood and guts underneath."

She laughed and his eyes laughed with her.

"Age before beauty," she taunted, still laughing.

She expected another rude reply, but what he said next surprised her.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

She stopped laughing and flushed under his intense gaze.

"And if it must be said, you are beautiful Clara. Even with that overly round face of yours."

She was going to reply with another adage but she had a sudden epiphany.

"Foreplay!" She blurted out.

"What?"

"This bantering that we do together, its foreplay."

He had to think a moment about what she said.

"_No."_

"_Yes!"_

"_No."_

He looked at Clara.

"_Really?"_

She shook her head in assent.

"So", she said as she stood up.

"So?" He repeated back to her.

Clara didn't hesitate. Stepping forward, she placed her hands on his shoulders and used her momentum to push him back onto her bed.

"So, shut up and kiss me", she demanded as she lay across his chest.

"Clara, you don't really want me." He tried to push her away.

"God, you're difficult old." She pushed herself up from him and leaned on her elbow planted squarely on his chest. She could see him squint as it dug into his breastbone.

"You want to know what I want Doctor? I want you to stay right where you are. Can you do that for me?"

He nodded his assent, but she thought it probably more to do with stopping the pain in his chest more than it had to do with doing what she asked. Either way, she got what she wanted.

She got up from the bed and crossed the room. She stood in front of her bedroom window for a moment, and then turned around to face him.

"Can you see me Doctor?"

"Yes."

"Can you see my clothes?"

"Yes."

Can you see my face?"

"Yes."

"Can you see the color of my hair?"

He thought this was getting silly, where was she going with this? "Yes, of course."

The questions stopped and she abruptly turned away from him and closed the curtains.

Turning back, she began to ask the same questions.

"Can you see me Doctor?"

She was now a darkened figure standing across the room.

He was becoming exasperated. "Yes, I can still see you"

"Can you see my clothes?"

"No, of course not, you're just a dark blob."

He still didn't get it, so she kept on with her questions. "Can you see my face?"

Exasperated, he lay back on the bed and looked at the darkness of her ceiling instead. "No," he said flatly.

'Can you see the color of my hair?"

"No, I cannot…" He stopped mid sentence.

Clara crossed the room again and stood next to the bed. She couldn't see his features in the darkened room, but she could tell his hands were on his face by the position of his arms. "Now do you understand?"

"Yes, but…"

"No buts." She had to interrupt before he could derail her progress.

She put a knee into the bed next to him and leaned in to place her hand upon his chest.

"The heart wants what it wants."

He placed his hand on top of hers. "So, Miss Oswald, you think you can win me over by spouting Dickinson. Believe me I didn't give in to Emily back then so what makes you think…?"

She shut him up with a kiss and he did not protest any further.


	2. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Be Careful What You Wish For**

He had to agree; everything was different in the dark. He felt like himself in the dark. Like the same two thousand year old man that he had always been and would always be. He could be that bow tie wearing lad or even that toe-headed celery wearing bloke. It really didn't matter in the dark. She though, would always be Clara.

Her kiss had not only shut him up, but it gave him permission to act upon those years of passion he had repressed. When their lips finally parted, he could barley see her face,so he placed his hands to her cheeks and felt her smile. He couldn't stop himself from doing the same. He pushed back some of her hair that was brushing his face and he hazard to speak.

"My Clara."

His deep Scottish tone vibrated thru to her toes. "Forever," she replied before she kissed him again

Her reply bothered him, like an itch he couldn't scratch, but he ignored it and focused on the feel of her lips instead. He found them as tangy as some of the comebacks she would occasionally throw at him, and full of energy and a needy passion.

He felt her hands trying to open the top button of his shirt and he tensed. He couldn't help it. His clothes were his armor and letting down his defenses didn't come easy. Clara noticed.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing", he replied to placate her. And to show her, he reached up and with one hand deftly popped open the button she had been struggling with. She managed on her own with the next one, and when he felt her lips at his neck he couldn't help but moan. His moan, when it escaped from his lips sent her hurrying to open the rest.

She straddled him to finish her mission, and when she reached his waistband she gave his shirt a tug. He assisted her by raising his hips from the bed and the action pressed his arousal further into her and she was the one to moan this time.

Once his shirt was open, she slowly ran her hands down the length of his torso. There was little fat on his frame and he skin across his chest was taut. She could feel his ribcage and a slight pudgy softness at his abdomen. She wanted to make him react again, so she leaned down and placed another kiss to the middle of his chest. His breathing became deeper and she made him flinch when her tongue found his left nipple. She kissed her way down to the waistband of his trousers. She reached for the button but his hands gripped her arms and stopped her. He pulled her back up and his lips sought hers out.

The talents of his tongue more than compensated for the thinness of his lips and he tasted like ancient books fermented into an opulent wine. _How could that be possible?_ She could only imagine. She wished she had known what his full lips would have felt like in comparison. Would he have tasted the same? Perhaps he would have tasted of eternity and spiced tea. She sighed into his kiss. What did she know? All she did know, all she really needed to know, was that the Doctor was intoxicating.

In one quick move and with a strength that surprised her, he lifted them both up into a sitting position, with her straddling his lap. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear.

"My turn."

She felt his hands at the hem of her shirt and she raised her arms as he pulled it up slowly, caressing her sides as he went. His thumbs brushed the sides of her breasts making her shiver. He lifted the shirt past her hands and tossed it away like an annoyance that should have never been there in the first place. He could feel the intensity in her eyes and it drove him onward.

He captured a bra strap with one finger and slid it down her arm while leaning in to place a kiss in the newly vacant spot. His lips made their way across her collarbone to the juncture of her neck. He lingered there till her breath was deep and labored. She never noticed him slipping off the other strap, but after a minute of his fingers fumbling at her back she put her arms on his biceps and pushed him back.

"Let me," she said anxiously.

He leaned back on his hands, content to watch the unveiling.

Clara removed her bra without hesitation, and sent it to join her shirt. Both now lost in the dark abyss beside her bed. She could feel herself flush under his gaze and soon he began to speak.

"O luely, luely, came she in

And luely she lay down

I kent her be her caller lips

And her breasts sae sma' and roun'."

She could tell by the words it was from an old Scottish poem, but it was not one she was familiar with. She didn't have any time to think on it because as he finished the last line his hands cupped and squeezed her breasts. She never thought of herself as small, but she realized his long fingered hands would probably make any size look small. Her nipples became hard at his touch and she leaned in for a kiss to placate her new arousal. It made him squeeze harder. After a moment, he removed his hand from her left breast so he could encircle her waist and pull her closer into their kiss. He could feel her chest rise and fall against his and he found it both soothing and arousing. Still astride his lap, Clara felt his response.

She was impatient for more so she reached down between them to find the button of his pants again, but he wasn't having it. The next thing she knew, she was lying flat on her back and he was kneeling between her legs with his hands pressed into the bed above her shoulders, looming over her.

"Patience is a virtue"

Clara rolled her eves. He should know better than to start that again.

"What goes up must come down." She teased.

She waited for his response, but he didn't want to play. Instead, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it. Once more into the abyss, he thought as it disappeared. He made his way to the end of the bed and stood up. He reached down and grabbed her ankles and pulled her feet to the edge where he stood. He then grabbed her slacks and underwear together at her waist and pulled them off before she could protest. His pants followed. He stood there, unmoving as their eyes traveled over one another. The Doctor found her lithe form nothing but enticing and from what she could make out in the darkened room, she became a believer in the crude adage about a man's shoe size.

He didn't linger upon the moment, but rather, he put a knee between her legs and leaned down to slide an arm around her waist. He lifter her and slid her back into middle of her bed and he lay beside her with one leg intertwined with hers.

As she lay there, naked next to him, she vowed never to tease his manhood again. Or would she? _Forceful and domineering? Kind of hot!_ Fast didn't last though; he proceeded to slow it back down. _Tease!_

He enjoyed touching, especially in the dark. It heightened the senses and set even the least sensitive of body parts afire, and he was in scorched earth mode where she was concerned. _Oh Clara, do you know what you've gotten yourself into?_

He started with her brow, then ears, cheeks, nose and lips. She tried to touch him in return but he held her in check, placing her hand to rest on her hip.

"Not till I'm finished."

He lingered at her neck a while before gliding his fingertips between her breasts. He pressed his palm between them. He felt her heart racing. _So fragile. _He took a quick glance to where her head rested on a pillow. From the position of her head, he could tell her eyes were closed and she was content to revel in the sensations. He smiled to himself as he traced a wide circle around her left nipple. It was the perfect distraction. His mouth took in her right breast, and Clara arched up off the bed. "Oh, god!"

He let go long enough to reply to her outcry. "No…I'm the Doctor."

He suckled until he felt her hand involuntarily gripping his hair. His teeth tugged at her nipple before letting go. She was to busy trying to recover from the overload of sensation to give a retort. He didn't let her recover. He set his attentions on the right breast until he made her tremble. When he was done, he placed a solitary kissed between her breasts as a sign that he was moving on.

He traced his way back up to her shoulders, down her arms and to her hands, focusing extra attention on the inside of her elbows and to the palms of her hands. He used the flat of his hand to ghost against her ribs. Anything lighter would probably have sent her laughing, and he couldn't have that. His hand stopped at her hips. Even in the dark he could tell he'd been wrong. They were definitely a woman's hips.

He offset his gaze till he could make out the dark hairs at the spot above her legs, and he ran his thumb along the bend between her hip and thigh. Her thigh muscle quivered. He repeated it on the other side. When he let his fingers lightly brush her small mound of curls, her hips bucked from the bed and her sweet musky scent invaded his nose, tempting him from his mission. _So long! It's been so long!_

His arousal intensified, twitching maddeningly against her leg. His plan, he had to stick to his plan. He was still thinking of his plan when he noticed her pubic hairs were now tickling his nose. When had he moved? He breathed her in deeply and then lost it when she parted her legs. His tongue slipped to taste her sweetness and he heard her refer to him as god again. At the first taste of her he lost all ability to reason and instinct took possession of him.

Clara swore she heard him growl, but mixed with her own noises, she couldn't be sure. She was sure of one thing, his tongue was amazing, and when several fingers found their way inside her she finally managed to get his name right. _"Doctor!"_ Her orgasm lifted her off the bed and further into his eager mouth. He became a desperate man drinking at the fountain of youth. He couldn't stop, and Clara wondered if anyone had ever died from an orgasm before. She had to forcibly push him away before the question was answered.

He still wasn't finished. As he crawled his way back up her body, she suddenly felt more like prey than a lover. She couldn't have been more accurate. He began to ravage her, kissing and pawing her everywhere. When he lifted himself up and tried to position himself at her opening, she slapped him. He stilled and remained frozen above her.

It took him a moment to realize where he was. "Clara?" He saw her shape beneath him and felt himself still rigid in his hand. He pushed himself off and placed a hand to the stinging spot on his face. "What happened?"

She realized by his question that what had happened was not deliberate. "You got a little… carried away."

A hand went to his mouth and then to her arm. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? I would never hurt you."

"I'm fine Doctor, just a little shaken."

He lay back in the bed next to her and covered his face with his hands."I'm right. There is something wrong with me."

Clara placed a hand on his chest to get his attention and to let him know that she wasn't afraid of him. "There's nothing wrong with you."

He pulled his hands down and captured her solitary one in his. "Oh no? Would a normal man become a raging beast without realizing it?"

"Nine hundred years."

Her reply stumped him.

"What?"

"Would a normal man deny himself for nine hundred years?"

He scrunched his face up as he thought on what she said.

"Well…"

"Seriously?"

"OK…no."

He still had hold of her hand so she slid in a little closer. "Cut yourself a little slack Doctor. You're not most men."

"True." He agreed a little too quickly and Clara snickered.

She confused him. "Should I have disagreed?"

"No." She placed her hand on his face. "You should have just kissed me."

Maybe he was god. _God of Confusion_. "Really? Did I misunderstand?"

"Just shut up and kiss me before we both die of old age."

His smile returned. Everything really was ok.


	3. You Just Might Get It

**You Just Might Get It**

The Doctor felt he should slow things down again. Losing control like that had frightened him. If Clara hadn't slapped him, he wondered if he would have continued on and forced himself on her? Was there really a part of him buried deep down inside that would do something like that? He hadn't been in control and that was something he couldn't abide.

Clara was also still a rattled by what had happened, but she tried not to let on. As she kissed him again she could taste herself still upon his lips and as it mixed with him, it reminded her of that exquisite tiramisu they had shared at a small café in Veneto Italy. That weekend had been one of their best before they had their falling out. Was she tasting a memory or was she just imagining it?

He on the other hand, could only taste her, smell her and feel her. His hand rested at her waist and nearly encompassed half of her. She had always seemed so formidable to him during their travels together and now laying there naked beside him, she seemed so very small.

"Tell me why you're here Clara."

She was wary of his question so she gave him a vague reply. "You know why."

"That's no answer."

"Because I want to be," she said trying to avoid it again.

And he wasn't letting her off that easy. "No, try again."

She put her head against his chest and begged off the question.

"Please don't make me say it."

He was insistent "Say it."

"I'm…"

"You're what?"

She didn't want to admit it aloud, to herself and least of all him, but she had a feeling he knew the answer already. He just wanted to hear her say it.

"I'm addicted…to you…to us."

He moved his hand to caress her face. "See, that wasn't so difficult. And I must admit, I'm rather addicted too."

His tongue was needy as he kissed her again. He so wanted to make love to her. To be show her how much she meant to him. He found himself hard again in an instant and Clara noticed. She wrapped her free leg around him and put her hand to his ass to pull him closer until she trapped his erection between them. She could feel him warm and hard against her belly, and she worried for a moment whether or not she could handle him all. She would just have to find out for herself.

She didn't want him to be afraid that he might do the wrong thing again so Clara decided to take control. She pushed him onto his back and then made herself comfortable on top. He moaned at the difference in pressure and she cut him off by covering his mouth with hers. She wanted to devour him, both physically and metaphorically. He gave in without a fight. For the first time in his life…he wanted to submit.

After she took all she wanted from him with her tongue, Clara pushed herself up off his chest and was now sitting across his thighs, just where she wanted to be. She ran her hands down his torso to his hips and stopped. Her prize was stretched out before her. She knew he was expecting her touch; he was probably desperate for it. So she decided to make him wait.

She kept ran her hands back up his torso, and then back down to his hips. She kept this up until she had his hips moving up and down with every pass. She could only keep it up for so long because she wanted the same thing he did. On the last pass she ran her hand down his erection and he called out involuntarily. "Oh, god!"

Clara laughed and the Doctor wondered why he had said that. Maybe they had both been infected by some bizarre religious based virus. That was his last thought on the subject, because the sensation of her hand gripping is penis subjugated any ability he had left to think. He could only lay there and moan as she slowly stroked him.

Clara was still in awe at the size of him. His regeneration may have taken his youth, but it over compensated him with extra inches. Playing with him made her wet again and she wanted a little something for herself. She raised herself off his legs and repositioned her self on down on top of his erection. She began sliding herself up and down along its length, pleasuring herself and him at the same time. He grabbed her hips and helped.

It wasn't long before he had to stop her. "Clara."

"Hmmm?" She was quite distracted and continued on.

"Clara, Clara please!" He tried his best to hold her still. That got her attention.

"What?"

His hands caressed her thighs. "May I have the pleasure now?"

She stilled her movements. "Yes, of course. You only have to ask."

She confused him again. "I am asking."

Clara leaned down and settled atop his chest again. She let her lips ghost their way across his on their way to his ear. "And I am waiting". Her words and her warm breath lilted in his ear before she took his earlobe into her mouth. He said something that the Tardis couldn't, or wouldn't translate before he quickly reversed their positions on the bed.

"Clara…my Clara. Are you sure about this?"

She parted her legs to welcome him. "I've never been so sure."

"Then prepare yourself."

What he said almost sounded like a warning as he repositioned himself above her. Prepare herself? She had never been so ready, or so wet. The doctor snaked his hand between them to capture some of her wetness. Clara breath caught in her chest as he fondled her and then slid two fingers deep inside. The Doctor closed his eyes, imagining what was to come as he slid his fingers in and out of her tight warm recess. Should he even be allowed to spoil such youthful perfection? The sigh, when it escaped his lips had a hint of sadness. Spoil her he would though. She would never want another after this. He was claiming her. Right here, right now for all eternity. He slid his fingers out and ran her wetness across the tip of his penis to mix with his own.

_Clara, Clara, Clara. _This mantra began in his head again as he pressed himself into her. When he heard her gasp, he slowed and pulled back, letting her adjust to his size.

Her gasps and moans thrilled him and enticed him to press on. _Clara, Clara, Clara._

Press on he did, in and out and in and out, till finally…he was all in. He stopped to let them both thrill in the sensation of their intimate connection.

Clara was on the verge of tears. Not from pain, but from joy. The past three years together finally culminating in a moment of perfection. It was almost too much. She couldn't help but shudder and cry out when he moved again. "Oh Doctor!" She thrust her hips furiously against his movements, eager for more, so much more!

He noticed that she was trying to control the tempo, to speed up what he was determined to savor…so he pulled out.

And she bleated out like a lamb to slaughter. "Ahhhh!"

"Who's in control?"

Clara's mind was still lost somewhere in the muddle between ecstasy and loves labors lost.

"What?"

"I said…who's in control?"

"Seriously?" she panted. "Like it makes a difference at this point?"

"Right now it does…to me."

"Then take it Doctor. Take bloody control and take me now!"

He smiled outwardly and laughed inwardly. She was the only woman he'd ever known who could remain in control while ceding control. Oh well…better give the lady what she wants. He thrust himself back inside, hard and without hesitation, and he drew a kinky self satisfying pleasure from her nails as they dug into his back. They'd both remember that for a while.

He started again where he'd left off, with slow rhythmic thrusts. He noticed she tried subtler means to urge him on. The pleasurable noises she made kept finding their way into the openings on either side of his head and whatever she was doing with her lips to his neck was strangely erotic and would definitely leave a mark.

_Clara, Clara, Clara. If you only knew!_

He'd spent a fair bit of time in his first thousand years learning what he could about human female anatomy and he knew how to find that elusive spot. The _G Spot,_ they named it. He always wondered why such a sensual spot was named after that over inflated scientist Grafenberg? Just because he "found it", didn't give them the right to name it after him. And anyway, how can he find something that was never lost in the first place. If any of the men in this damn patriarchal species had bothered asking the women of their world they would have told them exactly where it was. He wondered if Clara knew where hers was. Had she ever experienced such a pleasure in her short lifespan? He was going to find out, and soon.

He was on the precipice. His breathing was becoming labored and beads of sweat were beginning to form on his brow. It was a rare experience for him. With his low basal metabolism he never sweated. But it was all part of the process. He was giving himself to her…completely. He had only ever done so twice before and he had been physically drained afterwards. _Clara, Clara ,Clara! You have no idea what you are getting yourself into._

Clara did notice something was amiss. She was getting hot, and not just in the sexually aroused kind of way. He was hot. No…not hot, his body felt on fire. She was afraid her bedspread might ignite. When the room suddenly brightened and she saw his face clearly above hers, she believed something must have lit. The Doctor could see the worry forming in her eyes. "It's all right Clara. It's just me."

And it was him. He was aglow, bathed in a subtle yellow orange energy that emanated from his body. He watched her eyes go from worry to wonder. He always thought she had the most amazing eyes. _How did she do that?_

"Doctor?"

"Shhhh. Don't talk, just feel…and don't be afraid."

Clara was mesmerized by the glow of him. The intensity of the aura seemed to ebb and flow with the thrusts of his hips and every now and then an errant spark would flair up, fly off, and fizzle into nothingness. She could only wonder what that was about. Soon, the fiery heat that was external soon became internal and she wanted to cry out in alarm, but she remembered his words. _Don't be afraid. _

The heat soon passed the point from pain to an all consuming need. She could feel desire emanating from her fingertips. She thought she might be imagining it, so she raised a hand to get a look and discovered that she was glowing too! "Doctor? What's happening?"

"Did you forget Clara? I'm not human. I'm a Time Lord. We don't just enjoy physical pleasure; we also have the ability to share emotional pleasure as well. Mind you it's not something so easily given. You will feel everything I feel and I the same of you."

His finger pulled away an errant strand of hair that had the gall to plaster itself to her glistening forehead. "Do you still wish to continue?"

Why did he feel the need to ask? "Yes!"

He didn't ask again. He was done with talking. He needed to focus all his energy on maintaining their connection. He became a crescendo of pure kinetic and raw emotional energy as he thrust himself into her. Their feelings growing and combining until their auras burned white hot.

Clara stared in awe at his face…or rather faces. She almost cried out when "her boyfriend" appeared. All big eared, squared jawed and floppy haired, smiling down at her. He vanished though, as quickly as he appeared only to be replaced by another, all curls and teeth. With each new face came the most intense emotions. One was spiked hair and full of unbridled joy and agony followed by another with short cropped hair and stony features who was full of regrets and newfound hope. They ticked off, one by one…all of his faces and all of his emotions. Soul crushing loss, guilty erotic passions, blinding anger and sarcastic humor; she experienced every one until she felt as though her heart might burst. And threaded throughout his lives was one constant emotion underpinning them all; a constant need he had since he was a lonely young boy…a need to love and be loved.

And after two thousand years, that need was now all consuming and focused on her. The Doctor shifted his position, altering his angle of penetration by twelve degrees focusing his thrusts against her anterior walls. Her emotions coursed through his body and the pleasurable sounds she made only intensified his actions. _Clara, Clara, Clara!_

Clara knew she was about to break apart, but she wanted one last thing before she did.

"Doctor!" She gasped between labored breaths. "Let me see…your new face."

He was still looping between faces and emotions and when Clara realized that even though she loved all of him, she only wanted to love him, her doctor. She had come to love his fierce angles and lines and even his cross eyebrows. She loved the furious intensity of his steel blue eyes and the snappy retorts from his sharp wicked lips. And she especially loved the deep red lining of his jacket that he so subtly used to frame his manhood. (Though she would never admit to the latter.)

He was overcome by her request, and by her love that now coursed through him. He always thought she loved Bow-tie. He closed his eyes and focused until he felt the phasing pass away. When he opened his eyes again, her found her eyes so huge that he thought he might get pulled in and drown their depths. _How did they do that? _He couldn't stop his random thoughts but he didn't care if he ever found an answer. She loved him and her love now combined with his was building into a physically intense shared orgasm.

Clara's body couldn't help but shake upon such exquisite release and she was sure half of London must have heard her scream. And the Doctor, he lost all of his composure as her body pulled him deeper inside and exploded around him. His arms gave out and he collapse upon her after filled her with everything he had to offer. His life, his love and his very essence, it was all hers.

Clara held his body in a fierce grip. She didn't want to let go of that incredibly wondrous feeling that was connected to him and still emanating from her toes and fingertips. She could feel his body still shuddering atop hers. She wanted to say the words to him, while the shared truth was on both their lips.

"Doctor?"

He didn't reply.

"Doctor?" She slid her arm up his back and to his face. His skin was damp and burning hot. "Doctor?" There was still no reply or movement other than the occasional shudder passing through his body. He was a large man, but he wasn't extremely heavy and she managed to push him off and onto his back. Clara was beginning to panic. O_h my god! He is two thousand years old! Maybe it was too much for him! What if I killed him!_

It had grown dark in the room again and Clara hurriedly turned on the lamp beside her bed. She turned back to him, not knowing what to do. She touched him again. His eyes were closed and he was still so hot. She ran to fetch a cool washcloth for his face. She couldn't possibly call him a medic and it was all she had to offer. She wiped his face, set the cloth on his brow and waited. While she waited she slipped on her robe because to loss of his heat had quickly chilled her. As she tied it off she thought she heard him mumble. She sat next to his head and felt his face again. He had cooled down, but his face was wet again. A cold sweat perhaps? She left him for a moment to fetch a blanket and covered him to his shoulders when she returned. She lay next to him and kissed his taunt cheek.

_Salty._

_He tasted salty. _She touched his face and found it wet again. Tears? Surely not! But as soon as she doubted herself she saw one silently slip out and careen off his ear and onto her pillow. "Doctor?"

He mumbled something again. "Doctor!" She rubbed her knuckles hard across his chest. He roused and his eyes flittered open. He looked lost and oh so confused. Both his hand flew to his face and there he remained, looking aghast. His hands slid down his face and twisted furtively together above his chest and he seemed to find her ceiling particularly interesting.

"Did I just embarrass myself?"

"Well, if you mean were you crying. Yeah, I think you were."

"Oh," was all he said, before he rather cautiously rolled his eyes to his right to look at her.

"Any chance you could forget that last bit?"

"Not on your life Doctor. Not on your life."

He returned his hands to his face so he could have a moment alone to silently chastise himself. _Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, what have you gotten yourself into? _


	4. Between A Rock And A Hard Place

**Between a Rock and a Hard Place**

Clara didn't worry too much about his embarrassment. He'd get over it soon enough. She lifted up a side of the blanket that he was under and snuggled up against him. The Doctors hands came away from his face, and not knowing where to place his arms he held them awkwardly in the air.

"You can put your arm around me Doctor."

"Ok." He tentatively placed an arm around her shoulder. It took a moment, but she felt him relax and his hand began to caress her arm.

"Mmmm, much better," she mumbled into his chest.

He kissed the top of her head. "Yes, this is quite nice."

"Yes," she agreed. "Yes it is."

They held each other quietly, and as she lay pressed against his chest Clara could hear the staccato beatings of his hearts. She knew he had two hearts but she had never heard them beating before. One, two, three, four; one, two, three, four. The strong and steady four part beat of his alien physiognomy made her feel safe and the deep tones of his Scottish inflections when he spoke sent her a shiver

"A' thru the nicht we spake nae word

Nor sindere'd bane frae bane

A' thru the nicht I heard her heart

Gang soundin' wi' my ain."

She shuddered and spoke the words that needed saying.

"I love you Doctor."

He held her tighter. "And I you, Clara…and I you."

They held one another till sleep overtook them both.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Panic gripped the Doctor when he awoke nearly seven hours later.

_Seven hours! _He felt like he had died. He had barley slept in over a millennia, and never for seven hours straight. It was time lost forever, never to be reclaimed. But as he felt the warmth and rhythmic breath of the small sleeping form he still held in his arms, he thought it was not too great a loss, considering. And he did consider her. For the next hour or so, as she still slept he considered the change in his relationship to Clara Oswald. And when she finally roused from her slumber he knew one thing for certain. _Nothing was certain!_

When she woke, Clara noticed the Doctor was contemplating her ceiling again and she wondered how much of the universe was swirling around in his head at that moment.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She asked.

"Why Clara…you insult me. It would take more than all the wealth that was in the bank of Calabraxis to put in a bid on my thoughts."

She felt rebuked. "Oh, excuse me for asking."

"No need," he replied squeezing her tighter. "For you, my dear Clara…my thoughts are free. And if you must know, I was wondering if that Japanese bath I installed in the Tardis two regenerations ago was still there?"

"Japanese bath?"

"It's like a very elegant hot tub."

A hot tub?"

"Yeah, well this body's not quite used to doing, uh…certain things and…," he squirmed against her, "…my backs got an ache. I could use a soak."

Clara patted his chest. "Lead the way then Doctor." She slid out of bed still wearing her bathrobe, and shuffled her feet into a pair of slippers.

The Doctor got up slowly and pulled his blanket with him, wrapping it around himself like a toga as he stood. Clara looked at him now draped in her blanket and couldn't help but remark. "You look like a Roman emperor."

The Doctor headed to the Tardis and held open the door for Clara to enter. "I knew a Roman emperor once."

"Really?"

"Yes," he replied, leading her through the console room. "He turned out to be quite a famous one as I recall, went by the name of Marc something or other, quite a level headed fellow, intensely Stoic." He tried to take a left at the first corridor but Clara's tug on his arm held him fast. He turned to look at her and was shocked to find her eyes popping out of her head like a squeeze me alien stress ball.

"Marc something or other? Doctor, do you mean Marcus Aurelius?"

The Doctors eyes darted to the left and then to the right above her head, looking for the memory before looking down at her.

"Yeah, that was him."

Clara struggled to contain a fangirl squee. "Oh my god! You met the man? Why didn't I think of that?" She wanted to slap herself in the head. "You have a time machine; I could have met him ages ago!"

"You want to meet him?"

She gripped the Doctors arm for support. "Are you kidding me? I would love to meet him! I am a huge fan. Huge!"

He wasn't sure whether to believe her. "You never struck me as the stoic type."

"Really?"

"Well, you may be level headed, but you're far too passionate." He turned away and headed off down the left corridor. "C'mon, this way…I think."

After another left, a couple of rights and a nauseating trip down (or was it up?) an Escher like staircase, the Doctor came to an abrupt halt.

"Ah ha! Here it is!" He pushed open a pair of rustic wooden doors. It was dark inside.

"Lights up fifty percent," he demanded.

It was a gorgeous teak lined room with several wash stations along one wall and a central square tub recessed into the floor.

"Wow." Clara marveled. "It's so warm in here. You leave the heat on?"

The Doctor pointed to a grating set into the polished wood floor. "Steam vents continually from the Tardis stacks into this room. It's kept at a permanent 40 degrees Celsius." He looked back to Clara. "Unless you'd like it hotter, I can have her close off some of the exhaust vents if you'd like."

'No, no this is fine. Perfect in fact." Clara kicked off her slippers and walked over to the edge of the tub. The water was lit brightly from below. It looked inviting. She swished her toes in the water just to test its temperature and the Doctor cried out in a panic as he rushed over to her.

"No, you mustn't do that!" He pulled her back from the water.

Clara thought he was overreacting just a bit. "Why not? It's a tub isn't it."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and wondered how people on earth could share such a small planet and know nothing about each others cultures.

"It's an ofuro Clara, not a bath tub."

"And?" She didn't know what he was making such a fuss about, a bath was a bath.

"It's not where you bathe. An ofuro is for restoring your kokoro," he placed a hand to his chest, "a place to relax and restore your heart or spirit."

"Sorry, I didn't know."

He couldn't help but give her a stern disapproving look. "Of course you didn't." He held out his hand. "Come here."

She took hold of his hand and as his long fingers curled around hers, she shivered despite the heat. Sometimes, when he held her hand she felt like a fly caught in the web of his life, flailing about… just waiting to be consumed.

He led her to the washing stations and stopped her next to a low stool. He let go of her hand and held his out.

"Robe," he demanded.

Clara gave him a wary look, but he just cocked his head and arched his eyebrows as further demand. She slowly untied and slid out of her bathrobe. She couldn't help but blush, caught now in the web of his gaze.

He hadn't meant to stare, but once the robe slid off her shoulders he found himself transfixed. The darkness of her room had freed him, but it had also denied him. It denied him of her beauty, the sensuality of her body, its roundness…its curves. His eyes softened. "Lovely," he murmured aloud.

Clara became self conscious under his gaze and crossed her arms awkwardly against her chest. She spoke to break his spell. "What's next Doctor?"

He blinked his eyes and came back around. "Yes, right, next." He reached back behind him to hang her bathrobe on the nearest peg and missed completely. He didn't notice. Neither did Clara.

He motioned to the wooden stool. "Sit."

She sat and he began to fill up a bucket of water from one of the faucets. When it was full, he grabbed a loofah and a bar of soap from a nearby shelf and dropped them in the bucket and carried them to where she was sitting and set everything out behind her.

It was getting awkward and hot wrapped up in his blanket toga so he pulled it of and tossed it atop the bathrobe he noticed laying on the floor. _Didn't I hang that up?_

Clara saw his blanket go flying and wondered what was next. Wonder turned to shock as he dumped the bucket of water over her head.

"Ahhh!" It was warm, but unexpected.

"It's just water Clara."

She spewed out the water she'd sucked in. "A little warning next time!"

"Sorry." He set the bucket down and picked up the loofah and the soap. "So, after the rinse, comes the wash. He soaped up the loofah and began scrubbing her shoulders and arms. Once he'd finished there he continued down her back.

Clara felt him slow down as he reached her lower back and hips. She heard the loofah hit the floor with a wet smack and her spine tingled as his hands began to caress her waist and hips. It didn't last long and soon the loofah appeared under her nose.

"You'd better finish the rest."

He hurried away from her carrying the empty bucket and he began filling it again at an adjacent faucet. She couldn't help but notice his semi, and she noticed a few other things about him that she hadn't noticed in the dark. He was extremely lean and wiry and his taunt muscles seemed to radiate a compact power poised on the verge of action. When he stood up with his bucket she noticed something else that made her laugh.

"What?" He looked around the room as if she may be laughing at someone or something else.

She didn't want to offend him but she couldn't help herself. "Oh my god, Doctor, you haven't got an ass!"

His reached back with his free hand, grabbed his rear and gave her his best not so serious look. "I know, it's terrible." He carried his bucket to the wooden stool adjacent to hers and sat. "You should try having to sit on it. It's times like these I wish I carried around one of those inflatable cushions."

Clara laughed and the Doctor gave out a high pitched yelp as he doused himself with his bucket of cold water. He was trying to remedy his growing problem. Clara laughed at him again and continued on with her bath as he began to furiously scrub himself with his loofah.

When she finished scrubbing she wasn't sure what came next so she thought it best to ask. "What now Doctor?"

He was scrubbing the bottom of his foot. "You need to rinse."

She refilled the bucket with warm water and sat back down on her stool before upending the bucket on herself.

As she shook the water from her face and ears she heard the Doctor. "Now you can get in the tub for a soak."

Clara knew from dipping her foot in earlier that the water was extremely hot, so she lowered herself in slow enough to become acclimatized and then she relaxed on one of the back benches to watch the Doctor finish his bath.

He scrubbed like a man who hadn't bathed in months. How often did he bathe? She knew nothing of his personal habits. They had crossed a line into so much more than either of them realized. What was that other saying? Oh yeah, _nothing ventured, nothing gained!_

She smiled as he doused himself with another cold bucket of water. She was going to have to do something about that.

Clara waded over to the edge of the tub nearest him and waited.

When the Doctor turned around, he found Clara watching him. How long had she been doing that? He suddenly felt embarrassed and desperately wanted to put his hands in his pockets, which was kind of hard to do seeing as he was naked. His hands flailed about a bit before he began rubbing them together. He hurried over to the tub and sat down on the edge next to Clara. He dangled his legs in the water to get used to the heat.

Clara moved and positioned herself in front of his legs and placed her hands on his knees. She stared intently at his face and she could see him looking every direction but at her. He always did have a problem with eye contact that he did not initiate. She parted his knees and slid herself between his legs. That got his attention.

"Clara?" His eyes were now on hers.

She slid her hands up his thighs. "Yes?"

'What are you doing?"

She looked down at his quickly growing erection and then back to his eyes. "I think you know exactly what I'm doing."

He looked around for help. But he knew he was helpless against her. "But…but I need to soak."

"No Doctor." She lowered her head. "You just need to relax."

Clara ran her tongue across the tip of his penis and his whole body jumped. She looked up as his hand found her face. His eyes were filled with a youthful longing and age old guilt. "Clara…"

She turned her face to kiss the palm of his hand and before he had time to protest she slid her lips around him. The hand that was on her face was now caught in her hair and he moaned his surrender.

"Oh my…aaahhhh, ahhhh…Clara!"

She sucked, and licked and stroked him until she had his backside arching off the floor desperate for more. She gave his balls a squeeze and she could tell by his size that he was desperately close. His shaking arms gave out and he leaned onto to his elbows as his hips bucked upwards to help. She didn't need his help, but she did wonder if Time Lords had a prostate as she slid a finger into his ass. Her question was answered moments later when she sent him over the edge. He cried out in desperate release as she took him all, and then he collapsed back onto the damp teak floor. The Doctor lay there breathing heavily with his left forearm resting across his eyes, desperately hoping to regain some of his composure.

Clara had other ideas. "Bloody hell!" His arm flew from his face and his hand slapped the wooden floor. He wasn't one to swear, but what she did to him sent an unexpected shock through his body. He wasn't sure what she had done, but when it came again he was expecting it this time. He felt her push his testicles up with her hand and lick him at he base. He was still so sensitive from his orgasm that her tongue placed at that precise spot sent an uncontrollable spasm through his body. It was so pleasurable it was almost painful. The next time she did it he grabbed himself and begged her to stop.

"Please, Clara…no more!"

She smiled inwardly. She enjoyed reducing him to a begging state. The word _control freak_, that he had accused her of being suddenly snuck into her thoughts. Damn it! She slid down his legs and into the warm embrace of the water and they both spent the next few minutes pondering her actions.

_How did she do that?_ He wondered. Even he didn't know he had such a spot. How could such a small slip of a girl reduce him to such a submissive state? Why was he always so quick to defer to her? It was like he didn't have a choice. It had always been her eyes that had gotten the better of him before…and now this! There'd be no going back from this. He never understood why humans got piercing or tattoos on their bodies, but now he understood. He'd just put a giant ring through his nose and he didn't care if it was visible or not...because he was smitten.

_I am a control freak!_ Clara realized as her head bobbed just above the water line. She enjoyed bossing the Doctor around. He was a strong willed man and the occasional times she bent him to her own thrilled her. Hell, it aroused her. Why had she ever thought of perusing a life without him? She was ready to admit that she desperately loved him and that no other man would ever be good enough for her. She needed to tell him that. She needed him to understand.

"Doctor?"

He did not reply.

She moved next to him in the tub and rested her arms on the edge. She looked at the stark contrast of his pale white skin against the dark teak floor, and as he lay there so relaxed and unmoving, he reminded her of a giant jellyfish they'd seen lying beached a shoreline of the planet Umbrius, home of the fish people. He might as well have been a mindless jellyfish as she prodded his leg and got no response. She poked him again. "Doctor?"

Nothing.

The Doctor was completely distracted. He was roaming the depth of his subconscious mind trying to understand the power she had over him. He neither felt her nor heard her. After a minute of futile prodding, Clara climbed out of the tub. She knew one way to get his attention. She grabbed the empty wash bucket and filled it up.

The cold water she doused him with sent him sputtering upright in an instant. "Help!  
>I'm drowning!"<p>

Clara couldn't help but laugh as the Doctor's feet…still dangling in the tub, splashed frantically in the water.


	5. Playing For Keeps

**Playing For Keeps**

After he recovered from his near drowning experience, the Doctor swore off visiting all water based planets and insisted they stick to using more conventionally based baths.

"Less chance of drowning in a shower," he said offhandedly as he tossed Clara her bathrobe and draped the blanket around himself. He headed for the door. "Come on." He waved her onward. "Things to do."

He set a quick pace through the winding corridors of the Tardis till they reached his destination. He stopped in front of a metallic door with no handle. "Open." The door slid open at the command of his voice.

Clara followed him into what looked like a stark white locker room. Everything was white. There were white smooth faced lockers running down the right and left sides of the all white room. There were more lockers sitting back to back in the center of the room. The rows of lockers ran about a quarter of a kilometer off into the distance and white benches were spaced between them at six meter intervals.

"A locker room Doctor. Are we playing another type of sport now?"

The Doctor looked perturbed. "It's not a locker room Clara. It's a dressing room."

"Ah," Clara replied looking about the empty room. "Kind of hard to tell…by the lack of clothes…or pretty much, anything."

"The clothes are in the closets." He waved his hand at what she had thought were lockers. Where else would you have them? Just hanging about?"

"Well, most dressing rooms I've been in there are clothes usually hanging about on clothes hangers. So yeah."

"Sorry." It had been some years since he'd had an actual closet. "I did have a traditional wardrobe once. Had to get rid of it though. Moths."

"Moths?"

"They ate holes in my favorite sweater. I had to delete the entire room." An old remembrance saddened his face. "Ace never did forgive me for the loss of her bomber jacket."

"Who?"

He blew off her inquiry. "Not important…old times." He strode over to the first closet waving a hand around the room. "I picked up this new wardrobe on Barmonos Prime." "Here," he motioned her over. "Let me show you how it works."

Clara stood next to him as he placed his hand on the door. An interactive screen appeared on the front and a voice spoke. "Welcome Doctor. What would you like to wear today?"

"Show all preset choices." He replied.

The outfit he wore the most appeared on the screen, long black coat with red lining, a white shirt, black pants and black shoes.

"Next." It scrolled to a slightly different outfit. It had a black pullover instead of the white shirt. "Next." This set came with a black and white polka dotted shirt. "Next."

Clara was startled by the next outfit. It showed a brown coat, brown pants with suspenders, brown shoes and a white shirt with a brown bow tie.

The Doctor saw her eyes inflate and looked back at the screen. "Sorry." His old self would always be a touchy subject. "Choose preset number one, with standard undergarments." The screen went blank and the locker opened.

The Doctor opened the door all the way and hanging inside was were his pants, jacket and shirt. His socks shoes and underwear were resting on separate shelves below.

"The clothes are created as needed from any superfluous or waste atoms that can be drawn from inside or outside the Tardis. The ultimate in recycled wear."

An on demand closet, Clara was excited. "Ooh, do I get one?"

"Why do you think I brought you here?" He touched the locker beside his. A name flashed briefly on the screen before he spoke. "Delete user and reset."

He ignored the name, but it put a knot in the pit of Clara's stomach. It was River. This had been his dead wife's locker, and now it was hers. For how long, she wondered? Till she died? Would she be so casually replaced one day? He could give her all of time and space, but she could never give him forever. They really needed to talk. But now was not the time. She could see he was too caught up in showing her how it worked.

He grabbed hold of her hand before she could protest and he pulled her to the front of the room. "Stand here," he ordered.

Clara looked down and noticed she was standing within the circumference of a circle on the floor. He held out his hand. "Robe and slippers off," he demanded. She knew asking why would be a waste of time so she complied.

He then stepped back and touched a solitary button on the wall near the door. "Start biodynamic readings."

"Please state your name for imaging and voice recognition," a disembodied voice asked.

Clara looked to the Doctor and he just tilted his head and twirled a finger at her.

She took it as her cue. "Clara Oswald," she replied.

The circle on the floor began to glow and she felt a low level hum and vibration. The circle elevated off the floor and lights radiated from it onto her skin. It made one pass up her body and then another one back down. The ring settled back into the floor the light disappeared.

"All done." The Doctor said handing back her robe. She slipped it on and followed him back to her closet

"Place your hand on the front"

The emotional part of her hesitated at taking over River's locker, but the logical part realized it had been over 900 years for him. She was probably just a vague memory now.

She put her hand on the locker.

Her name appeared on screen and it spoke. "Welcome Clara Oswald."

The Doctor jumped in to assist her. "Now you can scroll through over twenty five million pre-stored outfits to choose anything you would desire to wear, and what ever you choose will be created to fit your exact measurements. A guaranteed perfect fit."

"Twenty five million! I'll be looking forever!"

He needed to explain further. "No, it has search parameters. Look." He went back to his locker, closed the door and spoke to the screen. "Find men's button down shirts, early twenty first century, white cotton, long sleeve, with collar." A shirt appeared on screen. "Show twenty five at a time." Twenty five shirts appeared on screen. He looked back at Clara. 'See?"

_A neverending closet!_ The doctor really knew the way to a woman's heart, Clara laughed to herself. She soon lost herself in creating search parameters and saving outfits.

The Doctor dressed as she searched. He would never admit to a vanity streak, but it had taken him over three hours of scrolling through nearly seven hundred outfit combinations to find the one that suited his new incarnation. So, he figured she might be a while. When he finished dressing he placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She turned to him with a smile on her face. "Doctor, this is wonderful. Why didn't you show me this sooner?"

His hand left her shoulder and he brushed her cheek with his fingers. "Why indeed?"

She understood. He was always hesitant to let people in. But she was no longer just people. She didn't need to reply. Her eyes told him she understood. "I'll be in the console room when you're done here." He turned towards the door.

"Doctor wait!"

Her voice sounded anxious and he began to worry as he turned back around. She looked anxious.

"I don't know the way back."

He understood her fear. She had gotten lost once before in the Tardis and it was nearly two days before he found her. He'd updated her mobile to universal GSP after that incident.

"Take two rights, a left, one staircase, and another left."

"Two rights, a left, staircase, left," she repeated.

"Right." He pointed a finger at her. "Don't take too long." He turned to leave and flourished his hand in the air. "I wouldn't want to go and regenerate while I'm waiting."

Clara just rolled her eyes.

Once he arrived back in the Tardis console room the Doctor paced the floor, up the staircase, around the balcony, down the stairs, around the console. He paced the room for the better part of an hour. He hadn't been thinking of a Japanese bath as he lay pondering her ceiling. He had lied. He was thinking of something far more serious. He had an idea. It was an idea that would change his life and Clara's life forever. So as he paced the floor, he debated the idea in his head, because he knew that once he was committed to it there would be no going back.

He made his twelfth pass around the console and then started back up the staircase to the balcony. As he gripped the handrail and the subtle clink of metal on metal resounded like a gong in his head. He stopped. He had his answer. He _was_ committed! He was _always_ committed. He hurried to the console and punched in a set of coordinates. And as the Tardis wheezed and moaned to life, Clara joined him at his side.

She was dressed in a belted green and brown checkered print frock with black leggings and a pair of sensible black flats. She leaned against him and looped her arm through his. "So Doctor, where are we heading?"

His reply sounded ominous.

"To our future."


	6. Going For Broke

**Going For Broke**

The trip lasted only seconds, but for the Doctor, it was one of the longest trips of his life, and he grew nervous as the Tardis clunked to a halt. Clara, on the other hand, was excited. The Doctor always took her to the most interesting places, and after their newfound intimacy, she expected their next stop would be equally amazing. She raced out the doors ahead of him, unhindered by the fact he was calling out to her.

"Clara wait! Clara…Clara!"

She didn't get too far out the door. It was too dark to see. Where ever it was he had brought her it was cold and dank and the air smelled of moist earth and sulfur.

She stayed put and called out to him. "Doctor?"

It wasn't long before she felt his hand on her arm and his voice in her ear. "Careful." He switched on a flashlight and handed another one to her. Clara switched hers on and turned on the Doctor to shine it in his face. He put his hand up against the blinding light and turned his head away. "Would you shine that somewhere else?"

"I will, as soon as you tell me where we are."

The Doctor reached out blindly and managed to push her flashlight from his eyes. "Interrogate me if you will Clara, but it's a surprise, so you'll just have to wait."

Clara shined the light under her chin to highlight her face and illuminate her displeasure. "You do remember how much I hate surprises?"

She could just make out the slight trepidation in his darting eyes. 'Uhh..forgot, sooo…too late now?"

He winced as her knuckles made contact with his arm. "That's so you don't forget the next time."

As he rubbed his arm Clara shone her light around. It looked to her like they were in a small cave. "You sure know how to show a girl a good time."

"You always get my best Clara."

"Seriously? We're in a cave."

"And not just any cave." He held out his hand. "Come with me and I'll show you where you are."

She was hesitant to take hold. He only ever held her hand these days was when it was something serious. She looked from his outstretched hand to his face. He was smiling at her, and the knot in the pit of her stomach returned. She didn't have a choice. She took his hand and he pulled her into a narrow crevice that became increasingly claustrophobic as they went along. The rock to her front and back pulled at her clothing like it was trying to permanently hold her in its firm embrace. Her breathing became heavier.

The Doctor noticed Clara was having issues with the confined space they were in, so he squeezed her hand…before letting go.

"Doctor!" Her voice was tinged with panic because she could no longer see the back of his head.

"Down here." His flashlight beam was waving up at her. He was on his hands and knees. The crevice they were in ended in a crawlspace.

"Not much further now," he tried encouraging her as he shuffled into the opening.

Clara closed her eyes and rested her head back against the rock wall. She couldn't believe the things she was willing to do for love. Or was it love? Perhaps it was just blind faith and loyalty that pushed her on. Was there a difference? She dropped to her knees and followed him into the unknown.

She was glad to discover he was true to his word for once. It wasn't much further. After a brief time, perhaps a no more than a minute, she exited into an open space. The feeling of relief was immense. She felt like spreading her arms and twirling around in a circle. She didn't twirl, but she did spin about as she took in her surroundings. She had noticed the cave was lit and she was looking for the light source.

It came from a bright flame flickering in a recessed crevice against the far wall. She saw the Doctor kneeling at the base of the flame and when he stood and turned around, she saw that he was holding a bronze chalice in his hands. He extended his arms and held it out to her.

"What is that Doctor?"

"It's my gift to you."

Her brow furrowed. "A cup?"

He smiled at her confusion. "No Clara. Not the cup. It's what's inside." He brought it closer and she looked inside. It looked like water.

"It's not water, is it?"

"No Clara. It it's not water. It's forever."

She was beginning to worry. "Forever? In a cup?"

He hurried to explain and quickly became over animated, as he was prone to do when he was really excited about something.

"We're on Karn Clara. And this is the only place in the universe that you will find this wondrous liquid." His eyes took on an intensity that she had never seen before. "This is the Elixir of Life Clara! One drop will heal a scratch. One sip will save the dying. Drink one cup…and you will live forever!"

Clara was at a loss for words, which was fortuitous, because someone else spoke up on her behalf.

"It's not yours to give Doctor."

He turned on the voice and held the cup protectively against his chest. "Ohila."

"Doctor." The leader of the Sisters of Karn did not approach him. She chose to remain where she entered. "It's not yours to give."

Bitterness tinged his voice when he spoke again. "I think I've earned it."

"But it's not yours to give," she repeated as a sadness filled her eyes.

His bitterness was now on the verge of anger. "Why do you keep saying that? You of all people should know that I have every right to this." He held the cup tightly with both hands. "You and your Sisterhood would be dead if it wasn't for me."

"And you would be dead if it wasn't for us Doctor."

He snorted a derisive laugh. "Oh, I never did thank you for that, by the way. It was my time! It was my decision! But you had to go and drag my body from that wreckage and manipulate a scared dying man into becoming a monster."

Ohila bowed her head. She was unable to face the truth of his accusations. "That was not our intent."

"Well, it may not have been your intent, but this…," he held the chalice aloft, "…this is my intent. My reward! And I intend to take it."

His demand made her look up. "I never said you couldn't have it Doctor. You are welcome to all of the Elixir that you want. All you have to do is ask."

He lowered the chalice and looked into its depths and then at Ohila. "But I thought you said…"

"All I said…," she waved an arm in Clara's direction; "… was that it's not yours to give."

He was startled by the fact that during his entire tirade he'd forgotten about Clara. He looked over at her now and was struck by what he saw. She was leaning against the room's stone altar with her hands to her face…and she was crying. He rushed over and stood before her.

"Clara? Clara?" He leaned in close and set the chalice down beside her on the stone altar and rested his hands atop on either side of her. They were nearly nose to nose as he entreated her. "Please tell me, what's wrong?"

When she pulled her hands away from her face he had time to recognize the look, but not enough time to react as the palm of her left hand slapped him hard across the cheek. He staggered back holding his face, his eyes wide and confused. He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say, so he waited for her to speak.

When she finally did speak, her eyes held his in a hard steady gaze. "Do you realize what you've said and done here today?"

His affirmation was unsure and hesitant. "Yeeeaaahh?"

"No, I don't think you do Doctor."

He glanced around for help, he even looked to Ohila, but her head was downcast and she was unmoved to his plight. He looked back to Clara, his eyes pleading with her for understanding. She called him out instead.

"I know it's been a lot longer for you than for me. Over a thousand years. I understand! But to learn that after all these years, after all we've been through together, that you wish you would have been allowed to die all those years ago…that hurts Doctor."

He staggered back until he bumped into rock and his hand flew to his mouth as he desperately wished he could stuff his dark secret back inside. "No, you don't understand."

"Well then help me understand. Why would you wish that? Why?"

She of all people deserved an explanation. He just hoped he could explain. He ran his hands down his face before he began. "Time Lords are just men Clara. We're not gods or saints or even heroes. We're just men. I'm just a man. And all men can be weak Clara, even the best of them. It's not an excuse…," he shrugged his shoulders; "…it's just what it is. And some days when I'm alone in my Tardis and the quiet prevails, the memories come flooding back. The horrors of the Time War, the years fighting on Trenzalore. Sometimes Clara, sometimes it's just too much to bear."

"So you want to die."

He shook his head. "No, no…I might wish sometimes that I had died, but what I want…what I find myself always wanting…is you. You are my touchstone Clara. You keep me going."

"So why don't you trust me Doctor. Why don't you let me in?"

She wanted truths, so he straightened himself and steadied his gaze before replying. "Because when I wake up tomorrow seventy years will have passed and you'll be dead, and I'll be alone." He left the support of his wall and returned to the altar. He picked up the chalice and held it out to her again. "Unless?'

She turned away and his shoulders slumped. He set the chalice down hard upon the altar and watched as some of its precious liquid sloshed out onto the stone.

Clara had to turn away. She needed to refocus. In his hand was the one thing she could never give him. And it was so tempting, to just grab the cup, drink it down and run away with him forever. But part of her knew that if she did, she would lose herself forever. And that brought her to the other part of his problem.

She turned round in time to see the Elixir slosh from the cup. A drop also landed on the back of his hand. It glowed upon contact and he rubbed it off fiercely on the bottom of his jacket. It left behind a glowing streak.

She gathered the courage to speak again. "All of this, Doctor." She waved her hands at the chalice and around the cave. "All of this…," she pointed at him, "…was for you. It was never a surprise for me. Because you know I hate surprises." She came back to the altar and touched the base of the chalice. "And you cannot just give me something like this."

_It's not yours to give. _Ohila's phrase echoed in his head again.

"You've also forgotten what I said to you in the forest. I don't want to be the last of my kind Doctor. That's what would happen if I drank this." She pulled her hand away.

He snatched it back and held it in his. "That's where you're wrong Clara. The Elixier would change you on a cellular level. You would no longer be human. You'd be more like me." His revelation brought an encouraging smile to his face.

It quickly disappeared as she closed her eyes and sighed. She pulled her hand from his grasp and wrapped her hands around his.

"You just don't get it Doctor. You still haven't even considered my life, my work, my family, my mum and dad. How do I explain you…or this to them? Things like this need to be talked about. You want to do first and answer questions later and that's not how it works. You have to consider the other person first. That's how relationships work." She waved her hand between them. "You and I will never work if you cannot trust me and talk to me or treat me as an equal." Her hands slipped from his and she returned to the crawlspace in the wall. She leaned heavily on her hands against the rock face.

"Clara, where are you going?"

She kneeled down before the opening. "I want to go home."

Ohila finally moved from her fixed position and crossed the room to Clara. "Miss Oswald? Would you like me to show you an easier way back?" Clara stood up and dusted off her knees. "Yes, thank you."

He watched Ohila lead Clara to a large opening in the cavern.

"Clara?" He wanted her back. They passed into darkness. "Clara!" Their sound of their footsteps disappeared. He only wanted her to drink. "Clara!" He beat his fists against the altar in frustration and then rested his warm forehead against its cool surface.

Moments later he looked up when he heard footsteps returning. She's come back!

But it wasn't Clara, it was Ohila.

She stood across from him at the altar and pulled a plastic cup with a lid from beneath her robes. She set it in front of the Doctor. He looked at it and then at her before picking it up.

"What's this?"

"A To-Go cup."

He looked confused and she just smiled.

"We're the Sisters of Karn Doctor, not some backwater primitives living in hovels. We even have wi-fi."

He set the cup back down.

"Oh, and Miss Oswald gave me a message to give to you. She said,… tell that sodding old fool I'm leaving with or without him."

The Doctor ground his teeth. _I'd like to see her try!_

No sooner did he think it did he hear the wheezing and groaning of the Tardis starting to take off.

He frantically pulled the lid off the plastic cup, emptied the chalice into it and screwed on the lid as he ran out the door. He grabbed his key from his breast pocket and he kept running until it glowed in his hand. He still had time! As he rounded the next corner he could still see the faint outline of the Tardis. He held out his key and crashed through the doors as darkness filled the voided space.

* * *

><p><em>Authors note: I have put in a line as a cookie from the series <strong>Skins, <strong>as a tribute to Sid's dad, Mark, played by Peter Capaldi. If you haven't seen the show please watch Sid's Dad's Greatest hits and Sid's family drama on you tube. It is arguably the most impressive bit of writing for a series that I have ever come across._

.


	7. Hard Pill To Swallow

**Hard Pill to Swallow**

He hit the door hard and tripped over the entrance. He found himself splayed face down upon the smooth burnished floor of the Tardis and he could only watch as the cup rolled out of his hand and headed towards the Tardis console. At that moment he found himself doing something he'd never done before. He prayed. He prayed that the lid would stay on.

The lid stayed on and he watched as Clara stopped the cups progress. She picked it up and set it atop the console. Before he could thank her, he felt the Tardis stop and Clara ran past him out the door. He winced as he righted himself. His right arm had taken the brunt of his fall and his shoulder hurt. He tried to rub the pain away. _If it were only that easy. _He grunted as he stood and let out a tired sigh before turning back to the door.

The Tardis door stood open and he cold see Clara sitting on the far sided of her bed with her head in her hands. He could also see the rumpled beadspread they'd left behind. How had such bliss come to this? He moved to cross the threshold. He wanted to fix this; he wanted to understand what he'd done wrong, and as he set one foot inside her bedroom, her mobile rang.

Her hand automatically reached over and picked it up off her night stand. He shook his head. Phones and humans. He could never understand their necessity to answer one just because it was ringing. They were the same way about a penny on the pavement. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame of the Tardis. He knew who it was by the ring tone. It was that sappy bit of love song she'd downloaded that always heralded P.E. Damn him for calling now! He didn't retreat to the Tardis to give her privacy. Eavesdropping on Clara Oswald had become his hobby. As he listened he tried to fill in the blanks of the conversation.

"Hey."

_Good morning, good day _(he glanced at his wrist to check the watch he didn't wear) _or whatever time it might be._

'I'm sorry."

_You haven't called or texted me twenty times today, what's up with that?_

"Everything's fine."

_The old geezer do something wrong?_

"I'm just tired, that's all."

_Did he hurt you?_

"Yes, I know."

_That prattling old fool is an idiot._

"You're right. You're absolutely right."

_You should leave him and marry me_.

"No, now's not a good time."

_Let me come over and woo you like a proper gentelman._

"I agree…I promise."

_You need to kick him to the curb like you promised me_

"Me too."

_I love you._

Their conversation ended and Clara stood up abruptly and turned around. She knew the Tardis was still behind her, she never heard it leave, but she didn't realize the Doctor was there too, and she jumped at the sight of him.

"You need to quit doing that."

He never moved from his position at the door. "What?"

"Listening in."

He held her eyes in a knowing gaze till his blue grays became awash. _ Was it tears? _She would never know.

"Done," he replied with a tilt of his head, a slight shrug of his shoulders. There was a deep sadness to his voice. He took one step back and firmly closed the Tardis door. He could hear her calling out as her fists beat on the door. But the noise faded as he ran away in his Tardis. He felt doomed to repeat his past.

Clara desperately beat against the Tardis doors. She knew she had little time. His word had sounded so final. She couldn't let him leave, not like this…not without telling him what she needed to say! But her pleas were drowned out by the noisy gratings of the Tardis already disappearing to places unknown…without her.

Clara backed away, careful not to get caught in the disappearing time vortex. She backed into her bed and she found herself sitting in the same spot he had sat not so long ago. It was where everything had started. As the tears came, she crawled onto the bed to have a proper cry, but she couldn't, because her bedspread smelled of books and chalk and sex.

Anger staunched her tears as she pulled all the covers from her bed and she threw them in a pile on her bedroom floor. She couldn't bring herself to lie on the now barren bed. The memories of what they'd shared there were still too intense, so she stormed off to her sitting room. She pulled a blanked from off the back of her couch and curled up with it as she leaned against the armrest.

Why had he run off like that, especially after what they had just shared? Was it because Danny had called? Why did he have to call right then of all times? And why did she have to pick it up? And Danny knew something was wrong, it was probably the tone of her voice. It had been a difficult conversation.

"Clara! Thank God!

"_Hey."_

"I've been trying to reach you since you and the Doctor went off to watch the sun. Where have you been, it's been almost two days!"

"_I'm sorry."_

"What's wrong, something's wrong I can tell."

"_Everything's fine."_

"You don't sound fine."

"_I'm just tired, that's all."_

"I know that's not all Clara. I know when you're lying; I know when you're keeping things from me. And I told you know what would happen if you keep doing that."

"_Yes, I know."_

"You need to talk to me Clara. You need to be able to tell me the truth, no matter what, good or bad. I deserve at least that much."

"_You're right. You're absolutely right."_

"I'm coming over so we can sort this out."

_Now's not a good time."_

"Is he with you? Or should I say, are you with him. God, Clara. I'm confused, I really am."

"_Me too."_

"I'll leave you too it then." He abruptly rang off.

She did love him. He was so…so not like the Doctor. He was safe and honest and level headed and…so very human. Why couldn't she have both? It had been working well so far. They would never even have too see each other. She could have her fairy tale and her reality. Why couldn't they understand? Clara realized she was going to have to choose. She also realized she didn't have a choice. Addiction always wins.

She cried over the loss of Danny and her possible future with him. She also wondered about Orson Pink and his future. Would he even exist without her? How could she have met someone who never existed? Maybe she'd understand one day. One day in the future. She thought about her new future well into the night, and before she finally drifted off to sleep, she wondered what forever would be like.

ooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

The Doctor parked the Tardis at the edge of the Milky Way. He needed some distance, but he still wanted to be able to see her. Well…the pinprick of her planet at least. He stared across the galaxy for some time before storming off the upper gallery. He turned his chair to face the wall and there he sulked.

Why did he keep doing this to himself? Four times. Four times he'd done this before and he'd lost them all. Why would she be different? Why would she be the exception? Because he wished it? Because he went to Karn and demanded it? And in the end she had refused. She said she loved him and then she refused! He couldn't reconcile the two.

He pushed out of his chair, shoving it hard into the railing before storming off down the stairs. He stopped abruptly in front of the console and grabbed the To-Go cup Clara had set there. He turned quickly and ran to the door, flinging the cup out into the darkness. He wanted to vent his anger and disappointment with that throw, but as the cup passed thru the Tardis' barrier the vacuum of space slowed its momentum and it lazily drifted away. He realized it would of felt better if he had smashed the damn thing against the wall instead.

Here again was one of those times when he wished he had died on Karn. Hadn't his hearts had enough already? Maybe he should have flung himself out the doors instead. He let his left foot dangle past the edge. It would only take a second and be over in minutes. He set his foot back down. Who was he kidding? He never would. It was the one unknown in his life that he would be surprised to experience. He shut the Tardis doors.

Retuning to the console he hastily punched some buttons and pulled down on the large brass lever. He decided that if he couldn't give her forever, he could at least give her what she deserved. As the Tardis roared to life, he rested his hands on the console and tried hard not to second guess his decision. It was for the best.

He returned to earth, on the lawn in front of her apartment building to be precise. It was late at night, nearly three in the morning. Best time of the night to catch someone in REM sleep. And he needed to make sure she stayed asleep. Getting into her building and into her apartment was easy work for his sonic. What he planned to do next with it would be a bit more difficult.

Once inside her apartment he went straight to her bedroom. He was surprised to find it empty and hurt to find all the coverings in heap on the floor. At least he had made the right decision for once in his life. She was probably at P.E.'s. He left the bedroom and was heading to the front door when his eye caught a glimpse of something on her couch. He approached quietly. The patio curtains were open and the moonlight illuminated her sleeping face. _My Clara._

_No more_, he thought as he knelt down beside her. This was for the best. She would have a life, and he would have his memory. It was only one day, but what a wonderful day. He had survived nine hundred years on less. It would suffice. He leaned in and kissed her forehead before placing the tip of the sonic screwdriver against the same spot. "_I love you,"_ he whispered before it whirred to life. When memories were removed endorphins were released. She would wake up feeling wonderful in the morning and never the wiser.

The Doctor paused on the way out of her apartment and he looked back at her sleeping form, at what he had just lost. Part of him didn't want to let go. It was that part of him that returned to her bedroom. When he finally did leave, he was trailing her beadspread behind him.

ooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo

Clara woke the next morning feeling wonderful and just a bit confused. _How did I wind up sleeping on the couch?" _The last thing she remembered was standing on her balcony with the Doctor watching the forests disappear from London. Where was he? Maybe she just nodded off and he got board and left. She'd call and ask him later.

She headed to her bedroom to shower and change and what she found there confused her even more. Her bed was stripped and her sheets were piled on the floor. _Why are they on the floor, and where the hell is my bedspread?_ She had better call Danny too. Maybe they…maybe they…what, had sex after the Doctor left? Why couldn't she think straight? Why couldn't she remember?

It took her most of the morning but she managed to map out most of her memoreis using post-it notes. They were arranged haphazardly on her bookshelf. She was having trouble putting them in the correct order though. _Why was that?_ As she looked at them over and over she kept coming back to the same one. It said, _Just Say It__._ Suddenly everything was clear! She just needed to tell him. She picked up her phone and called Danny.


	8. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

**Here Today, Gone Tomorrow**

For nearly one hundred and fifty seven earth years the Tardis sat motionless at the edge of the known universe. That was how long it too the Tardis took to reroute her own circuitry so that she could make a forced landing on the one planet where she could find help for the Doctor.

* * *

><p>"Papa Bo, Papa Bo!"<p>

A small fair haired boy of not more than six was running through a field of of turquoise grass, yelling as he ran. "Papa Bo!"

A large and rather rotund figure exited from a rustic pole barn carrying what looked like a white six legged goat with four brown eyes and a pair of small yellowish tusks. He set the creature down and it bounded away.

The "giant" for lack of a better description was humanoid in shape, but his body seemed to carry the weight of the world. His face, his arms and legs…everything about him was massive. Not fat, just solid and wide. His face was the most remarkable. It was easily four times the size of any standard humanoid face. Broad and round, his skin was etched with lines and looked leathery to the touch. His features, his eyes, lips and nose seemed to be stretched to fit the size of his head. One would almost describe him as monsterous.

The little boy who was racing to see him didn't think he was monsterous. He only came up to the man's shin, but he wasn't scared at all. He grabbed hold of a giant finger with his hand and began tugging. To no avail. The giant never even noticed the boy had his hand till he looked down.

When he spoke, his voice was as large as his face.

"What is the matter, Toby?"

The boy was so excited he didn't make much sense. "I seen it, I seen it by the water!"

"And what did you see today?" He was always running to the nearest adult with wild stories of his latest adventure.

"I saw the blue box! Like the one you tell in your stories!"

With one hand he reached down and scooped the boy up to his chest.

"You saw the blue box today. Did you see the funny man too?"

Toby shook his head. "No, just the blue box, and it made the noise and the light on top flashed, just like you said."

"It sounds like you had a grand adventure today. How about you help me feed these young Brolings for your next adventure?"

Toby proceeded to kick and squirm until the giant man set him back down. "I want you come see the box."

"I've already seen the box Toby, maybe I'll come with you another day?"

"But why is it making that noise?"

"What noise is that?"

"Like the big bell you ring on Naming Day."

His large eyes blinked. He had never spoken to anyone of that sound before. He had only heard it once before himself. If the Tardis was really here, then something was very wrong indeed.

He leaned down to the little boy. "I need you to show me where you found the blue box."

"This way Papa!" He ran back the way he came and soon disappeared amid a sea of tall red tipped grasses off in the distance.

"Slow down Toby!" He called after the youngster. "I haven't been young since forever!"

He trod slowly and his weight and girth left a well defined gaping path through the grass.

He could hear the sound of the cloister bells before he ever saw the Tardis. His heart sank. He had hoped it was just one of Toby's stories. Sadly it wasn't. When he finally parted through the high grass he saw the Tardis sitting at the edge the livestock's watering hole, its reflection dancing atop the silvery water.

Years of old memories came flooding back as he touched its smooth surface. He had almost forgotten his days on earth. This brought them all back. He made his way around to the door. It was unlocked. That worried him. The Tardis door was never left unlocked. Unless? Unless what? He didn't want to speculate.

"Toby, I need you to run home and get your father, your great uncle Josiah, Grandpa Peter, Great Great Grandma Elsbeth and your older brothers Barin and Joell."

"But I want to go inside with you Papa!"

"No," he said firmly. "You need to do as I say and hurry. And tell Uncle Josiah to bring the Rig." The boy started to pout, but the look on Papa Bo's face sent him scurrying home.

The ringing of the cloister bell stopped as soon as he opened the Tardis door. The lighting inside was muted and there was a sour smell in the air. The console room was a disaster area. He had to kick and step his way through rubbish on his way to the console, and the smell only got worse. He found the Tardis dimmer switch and turned up the lights. He really wished he hadn't.

Garbage. The room was littered with garbage. Empty food packets were strewn everywhere along with used napkins, utensils, and cups. Interspersed among the trash was clothing. There were multitudes of socks, shirts and pants thrown around, most of them stained. And then there were books, lots of books. There had to be hundreds. He picked up one closest to him. There were scribblings and notations on almost every page. The book he held was titled Neoclassical Architecture and the writing inside made no sense.

_He should have worn orange trainers. The buildings A line doesn't add up to the D, E, or F line. A bloody cathedral with a cherry on top! _

And one phrase was constant and was written on every page and in every book he picked up. _Pudding Brains!_

Something was very wrong indeed.

"Doctor?" His voice was a whisper, but still it echoed around the room. There was no reply. He really didn't expect one. Not right away. The Tardis was infinite in its space and he hoped he would even be able to locate him. He had no illusions; it could take years even with universal GPS, intricate maps and hundreds enlisted in a search party to find the Doctor, even if he happened to be inside. He might even be dead on some remote planet and the Tardis may have come here looking for a new owner for all he knew.

He made his way to the hallway entrance. He had to duck to fit and his girth filled the space that was left. He looked to the left and right. The corridor to the right was dark. The one to the left was lit. He followed it to another darkened juncture. The corridor to his right lit up. The Tardis was guiding him!

He had a difficult time at the staircase and was afraid he would have to turn back, but once he tried crawling instead of walking he made it. His knees were the worse for it though, and as the stairs ended he struggled to stand up again. The Tardis led him on to a pair of heavy wooden doors. There were numerous shirts and pairs of pants piled up at the entrance. The entrance to what, he wondered? He gave the doors a push with one of his massive hands and they flung wide.

The steam that came pouring out from inside had him sweating instantly, and as it dispersed down the corridor behind him, he was able to get a clearer look inside.

There was a pool or tub in the center of the room and a lone figure was sitting at its edge, feet and legs dangling in the water. As more stream dispersed from the room he could tell it was a man, a scrawny naked grey haired man. Was this the Doctor? He'd never met them all. How could he be sure? He was going to call to him, but the figure started speaking, so he listened instead.

"Can't take that one, what about Sarah? _She loved you._ Yeah but she's been gone so long, you won't miss her."

The man was having a conversation with himself.

"_You promised you'd take Susan next, remember! Oldest to newest you said!_ Fine, fine you don't have to yell, you know, I'm right here."

There was a loud bussing noise and the man raised his left arm. In his hand was an item that could only be the Doctors. It was his sonic screwdriver. The Doctor placed it against his temple and screamed. He screamed until he fell back onto the floor…lifeless.

What had the Doctor done to himself? He forced himself through the doors and knelt down next to his body. He had never seen him look so old before. Had his body finally become as old as his age? It was hard to tell, he was so emaciated. What had happened to his friend? When was the last time he'd eaten? He was debating weather to move him or not when the Doctors body started seizing. It only lasted a moment and then his eyes flew open.

His pupils where blown and a euphoric smile filled his face. "_Clara."_ The Doctor mumbled a woman's name, and what happened next shocked the giant man. The Doctor began masturbating while repeating her name over and over.

He couldn't watch, he was already on the verge of crying. He had to leave the room, so he went to find a towel, some food and some clean clothes for his friend. His friend? Did he even know this man anymore? A few tears still managed to find their way out.

He couldn't have been gone longer than five minutes, but by the time he returned, the Doctor was gone.

"Danm!"

The corridors were still lit and he followed them back to the console room. It took a minute to locate him. It was the mumblings that gave away his location. He was in a chair on the upstairs walkway. He made his way to the top of the stairs and stopped before his old friend. "Doctor?"

The Doctor's eyelids opened and closed slowly, again and again. He could barley focus. He had wrapped himself in what looked like a disgustingly dirty floral bedspread and was trying to read a Where's Wally book. "No words…can't find the words. Been lookin'. Can't find them." He finally made eye contact and held out the book. "Can you find them? Been looking for years…Can't find them."

He took the book from the Doctor's hand, "I'll certainly try."

The doctor started crying. "Thank you," he sputtered. "Thank you…don't know… how much longer…I could keep looking."

He handed the Doctor a reconstituted food packet. "Why don't you eat this while I find the words, ok?"He grabbed the packet and gave out a pathetic "ok".

Sitting down at the top step he watched the Doctor to make sure he ate. He managed to eat half. The other half wound up dribbled and dropped onto the bedspread. Next, he poured the Doctor a cup of water and handed it to him. Instead of drinking it the Doctor threw it violently across the room and he smiled when it smashed into the console. "Nevermore!" He yelled. "Quoth the Raven, Nevermore!"

There was only the one cup, so he tried to get him to drink from the canteen. The Doctor grabbed it and guzzled it down greedily. Canteen good, cup bad. He'd have to remember that. After the Doctor had his fill, he needed to be cleaned and dressed. There was only one towel, so a thorough cleaning would have to wait. The main thing would be to get him dressed before the others arrived. He never did find a closet, but he'd found a relatively clean and unsoiled version of the same black and white outfit discarded in one of the corridors.

He held up the outfit. "Time to get dressed Doctor." The food and water seemed to have perked him up, but did little to make him any more coherent.

The Doctor's hand flew up with his forefinger pointedly extended. "No, no. Can't wear that. That's for her…can't wear that. I'm not allowed."

Great! This was all he had. He never found a closet or anything else. "How about I make you something new?"

The Doctor looked intrigued. "New…yeah, that'd be good."

His large hands easily tore the sleeves from the white dress shirt, and he pulled a knife from his pocket to turn the pants into shorts. "Here you go." He handed the altered clothes to the Doctor.

He became overly excited. "A new outfit! A new outfit!" The shirt hung like a sack on his gaunt frame, and a belt had to be fashioned out of one of the discarded sleeves to hold his pants up, but once he was dressed he was up and out of the chair.

"I'm a new man! The old man is gone! I'm a new man!" He danced (or rather wobbled) around on the upper balcony, kicking garbage and sending it raining down onto the floor below. He never heard the pounding on the outside of the Tardis.

"Come on Doctor." He waved him back to the stairs. "It's time I introduced you to my family."

The Doctor stopped his celebrating and he looked scared and confused as his eyes darted about. "Family? What family?" He squinted at the giant figure sitting at the top of his stairs. "Who are you? I don't know you. You need to get out of my Tardis…right now."

"Doctor you know me. It's Jack."

The Doctor put a hand to his mouth. "Jack…Jack. I know a lot of Jack's. You could be any one of them…or, not one of them. No..no… you need to leave. Don't know you." He sniggered. "I'd definitely remember a face like that."

"I'm Jack Harkness, Doctor. Remember Captain Jack. I may not look the same. The years haven't exactly been kind. But I swear to you I am him."

The Doctor tapped his fingertips against is forehead, trying to bring forth the memories.

"Alonzo. I remember a Jack and Alonzo."

"Yes, that's me. I was also with you at the end of the universe, remember?"

'No…never been there."

"I helped you defeat Davaros and return the earth home."

The doctor shook his head. "No, Sarah helped me …not you."

"You of all people know how I became immortal Doctor."

"Oooh…you're an immortal? I've heard of you lot, but I was never sure you really existed."

"I'm your friend Doctor. You said you remembered Alonzo, remember… Allonsy Alonzo! The Titanic?"

"O…that's good…Allonsy, Alonzo…I like that …yeah. I wouldn't mind saying that."

Jack was getting frustrated with getting nowhere. He stood up and towered over the Doctor. "Time to go Doctor."

"Go? Go where?'

He pointed a large forefinger at the door. "Outside, to meet my family."

The Doctor started to back away. "No…sorry, I can't."

Jack didn't have time to placate to Doctor anymore so he gripped his thumb and forefinger around one of the Doctors stick arms and forcefully led him to the door. He yelled for help the whole way.

"I'm being abducted! Somebody help!" He even tried to Sonic him, but Jack easily pulled the screwdriver from his hand. That made the yelling worse.

"No! Give it back! I need that!"

The yell quickly morphed into a wail. "Nooooooooo!"

And then into a plea. "Please…please…please. I need it. Pleeeease!"

He had almost reached the door before the Doctor quit walking. He dragged him the last few feet and the Doctor desperately grabbed at the railing with his free hand. "No, no don't. You can't!"

He pulled the Doctor to his feet and spoke loudly to his face. "Quiet!" His voice made the walls reverberate.

The Doctors eyes became black pools of fear and he shut up and stood still.

Jack opened one door and then the other and the Doctor squinted into the light. He half expect the Doctor to start screaming..._It burns…it burns, _as the sunshine touched his transparently pale skin.

The Doctor shielded his eyes with his free hand as he was dragged outside. He flinched at the onslaught of voices that filled his head. It had been so long since he'd heard so many he couldn't understand them all. He did hear one though above all the others.

"Papa Bo, Papa Bo! I got them all, just like you asked!

"Liar!" The Doctor spat as he struggled to free himself. "You said your name was Jack!"

"My name is Jack; my grandchildren are the ones who call me Papa Bo."

A memory began to surface in the Doctors mind. A long forgotten one.

"Bo?"

"What is it Doctor?"

"Bo! Bo! You're Bo!" The doctor voice was pitched with excitement and he was on the verge of dislocating his shoulder in his struggle to pull free

Jack let go of his arm.

The Doctor's face was lit up with a newfound revelation, and he reached up on tiptoe to place both his hands on either side of Jack's wide leathery face.

"You're the Face of Bo!"


	9. Of Mountains and Molehills

**Of Mountains And Molehills**

The Doctor tried to pinch Jack's cheeks but the skin of his face was too tough. "Your face! It's far too small! Did you shrink or something?" Several of Jack's relatives standing nearby laughed at the Doctor's comment and he turned on them. "What are you pudding brains laughing at, this man is obviously disappearing. You need to save him!"

Jack put his hand around the Doctor's shoulders. "It's ok Doctor. I'm not disappearing."

He turned back to Jack and huffed out a coarse laugh. "You wouldn't say that if you saw you the last time I saw you."

Jack could only shake his head at his friends confusing reply.

Toby came over and tugged at the hem of the Doctors shirt. "Are you him?"

The Doctor looked down at the small boy and he backed away, his dark eyes wide with fear. He shouted in alarm. "See, you're all disappearing!"

Jack pulled the boy away, he wasn't sure if the Doctor was safe to be around. "Not now Toby."

"Is it him Papa Bo? Is it?"

"Yes," he shook his head at the boy, before looking again at the dark eyes of this newest incarnation. "And no," he mumbled to himself as he turned away to supervise his grandchildren.

"Barin and Joell, I need you two to climb up and attach the transport clamps to top the Tardis. We need to bring it back to my place." The two young men hurried to the Rig and removed several large clamps attached to the sides.

The Rig was best described as a large levitating rectangular platform. There was a small raised enclosed cab for the driver at one end and the rest of the platform was open. Rails could be added or removed as needed. With rails attached it could easily transport a herd of a hundred Brolings to new grazing pastures. With the railing removed, bales of feed could be stacked by the remotely operated swing arm crane fixed to the rear of the platform. It was how Jack planned to move the Tardis.

The Doctor became agitated as the boys began clamoring up to the roof of the Tardis. What are you doing? Get down!"

"It's ok Doctor, we're just going to mover her."

The Doctor pointed at the Rig. "Not with that...that thing! It's not a cow, it's a Tardis! Do you people even know what Tardis means?" He staggered around, wild eyed…waiting for and answer. They all knew that the Tardis acronym stood for, they'd all been raised on Papa Bo's stories of the Doctor, his Tardis and their grand adventures together. Little Toby started to raised his hand, but his father pushed it back down. They were all unsure about this wild incoherent man jumping around and yelling at them. None of them could believe that this was the same man from the stories.

The Doctor pointed aggressively at the group "I'll tell you what it stands for! It stands for Time and Relatively…," he pressed a hand to his head and swayed under the hot sun, "…relatively…difficult stuff…that's what it stands for." His next words came out slurred, "…relatively…stuff." The Doctor suddenly crumpled to the ground like a marionette whose strings had just been cut.

Jack hurried to the Doctors side and picked him up off the hard scraggy ground. He looked like a rag doll cradled in his arms. Jack called over Elsbeth. "I need you to send for a Med Pod, and I need you to be discreet about why. If they ask, tell them someone on the farm had an accident. I don't want anyone else to know that the Doctor is here."

The short stout woman with wiry grey hair and a face as wrinkled as Jack's nodded her assent. "I'll get right on it Papa. Anything else?"

"Yes." He looked down at the frail form in his arms. "I need you to help me keep this man alive." He hurried onto the Rig with his broken friend. The Tardis was quickly loaded and everyone jumped on board to travel the short distance to Jacks' place.

They set down in front of Jack's home. It consisted of multiple rectangular modules stacked onto or attached to one another. The exterior of the modules were coated with color changing film. In the heat of summer, as it was now, his home was a stark white. But in the throes of winter, the color changed to black to absorb as much heat as possible from the sun. Tilting solar arrays were also mounted to the top of each unit. Windows of all shapes and sized dotted the different units, looking more like art than windows.

Elsbeth hurried off to the house and Jack got everyone else's attention.

"Gentlemen," he looked down at little boy with a huge grin on his face, "…and Toby." The grin faded to a pout. "You cannot tell anyone that the Doctor is here. It could be very dangerous for our family if word gets out. You all know my stories. Where ever the Doctor is…trouble follows, and I do not want trouble here. I spent too many years establishing this haven for our family and I don't intend to jeopardize it." He also knew that little boys could not keep secrets. He looked at Toby's father. "Toby will have to stay here until the Doctor leaves." The boy couldn't have been happier.

That was Jack's final word on the subject as he turned and carried the Doctor to the house. Toby ran ahead to open the door and Jack carried him straight to the bedroom. The Doctor even looked like a broken marionette with his legs and arms all askew as he was laid in the bed. Jack straightened him out and threw a light sheet across him. He would only be in the bed until the Med Pod arrived.

Jack left to room and went to find Elspeth. He found her high on a stool in the Kitchen. Everything in his house was oversized and it was the only way she could reach the countertop. She waved a large butter knife at him. "Med Pod's on its way, it'll be here in fifteen." She went back to slathering potted meat onto thick slices of coarse grain bread. "Thought I'd fix everyone some lunch."

"Thanks, we have a lot of work ahead of us. Right now I need to get back out there and supervise the unloading of the Tardis. Will you keep an eye on him? I don't think he'll wake any time soon, but just in case."

"Whatever you need Papa."

"Oh, and have Toby help you. I don't want him getting inside the Tardis while we work."

"Toby!" She called out to the boy who was peeking into Jacks bedroom. "Come and help your Gran!"

Jack returned to the others just in time. They were starting to lift the Tardis off the platform.

"Hold up!"

Everyone looked his direction. "I need you to unload it in the barn. I don't want to take the chance of anyone else seeing it."

Josiah lowered the Tardis back down and switched to the drive controls while Barin and Joell ran over and opened wide the doors to the pole barn. The platform was backed in to the center of the barn and the Tardis was unloaded onto the hard dirt floor.

Once the Rig was out of the barn Jack called them all over to the Tardis and rested a hand on its side. "This is the Tardis that I've spoken about in my stories. It's a mess inside and I'm going to need your help to clean it out." Everyone's eyes lit up at the thought of going inside. "And I need you all to understand and to follow two simple but very important rules." He looked around and everyone nodded their assent. "You will not touch any button or lever or any piece of equipment inside the console room and you will only work in the console room. You will not, under any circumstances, go into the hallway, because if you do, you could get lost and die down there. Am I making myself clear?"

A round of 'Yes Papa' was voiced from them all.

He sent them all for supplies before they ventured inside. Sorting bins would be needed to separate out any items of importance from the garbage and numerous cleaning droids would be needed afterwards to sweep, mop and disinfect everything.

Jack ventured back inside the Tardis to get a more thorough look at the console room. He spoke aloud as he entered. "Hey old girl, just wanted to thank you for bringing him to me. I should have him back on his feet in no time." He didn't expect a reply, but a hiss of steam forced its way up through the garbage covering one of her vents. "I also wanted you to know that I will be bringing some of my family inside to clean, so don't be alarmed and try to vent out all the oxygen from the room or something like that." The vent hissed again. "Good, good. Glad we've got that settled."

Jack began clearing items off the console. There was less chance of someone accidentally touching the wrong switch or button if he took care of it himself. As he made his way around he kicked an open panel underneath the console. He looked down and noticed a mass of torn out burnt wires and what looked like smatterings of dried blood on the floor. He could only wonder what had happened there. Halfway through cleaning, he noticed the Tardis' view screens. They were bound together with rope and covered with a dark material and the material was bound tightly to the screens with more rope. Jack pulled out his knife and began cutting away the bindings. Once the rope was cut free he pulled off the fabric. The screens were dark at first but then they lit up with an image…an image of a mad man. The image rewound a few seconds and began to play.

"I won't have you watching me! No more!" The screen went dark as it was completely covered with the dark material. The image was gone but the sound remained. The Doctor could be heard grunting as he wound the rope around the screens and tied it off. "No more!"

"No more!" "No more!" "No more!" The sound of the Doctors last outburst could be heard looping through the console speaker.

"You meddling blue b…!" The last word was drowned out by the sound of something smashing into metal. Jack looked down and saw a dented and caved in section of console. It was probably where the speaker used to be, because all sound abruptly stopped. It left Jack wondering where the sound was coming from now.

And as if the Tardis was reading his mind, it gave him the answer. "All sound has now been patched through voice interface." Jack jumped at the voice and the image standing next to him. "Rose?"

"I am not Rose Tyler , I am voice interface."

Jack took a moment. It was disconcerting to see Rose again after so many years. He knew it was only an image but he still needed to get over the shock. He hoped the interface could help provide the answers to his questions. "Interface, can you tell me what happened to the Doctor?"

"The Doctor is ill."

"What is wrong with him?"

"The Doctor is ill."

Jack was familiar with the frustrations of dealing with a linear thinking machine. He thought about his next question carefully.

"Are there more saved images that you can show me?

"Yes."

"How many more?"

"There are 30,295 saved recordings."

Shit! He'd never be able to view them all. He didn't have that kind of time.

"Show me the first recording"

The screen flickered to life again. This time it showed a split screen. Obviously views from both the Tardis' console screens. It was a little disorienting to watch at first as the image of the Doctor jumped back and forth as he passed by the screens. He was obviously pacing.

The man on the screen was nothing like the one he'd just found. This Doctor was tall and formidable with a severe face and brooding eyebrows. He was sharply dressed in a fitted black suit and stark white shirt. The flash of red lining in the Doctor's jacket, when it appeared, made Jack smile. _Still the egoist._

He could hear the Doctor mumbling to himself as he passed by the screens again. "Increase audio by sixty percent."

"I can do it. I have to do it. _Yes, but it's never done on someone while they're awake. _Well, what choice do I have, I can't go on like this. _It'll be quite painful. _Yeah, well its painful right now, isn't it."

The Doctor came into view again, and he was fiddling with his sonic screwdriver. He was weighing it in his hands, contemplating a decision when he abruptly turned and approached the console and screen. He was so close to the screen that Jack had his first view of the Doctors piercing steel blue eyes. Combined with such fierce eyebrows, Jack believed this new Doctor could probably stop a Dalek invasion with just a look.

The Doctor held his screwdriver up by both ends. He pursed his lips in concentration till the tip of his tongue slipped out under the pressure. "No!" He barked out as he slammed the screwdriver down onto the console. He turned and abruptly walked away. The screen went dark.

After a few seconds delay the picture returned. The Doctor appeared on screen, pacing once again. Some time had obviously passed; he was dressed differently. The coat and starched shirt were gone and he was now casually dressed in a dark long sleeved pullover the front of which sparkled as he approached the console. He snatched up his sonic screwdriver and disappeared from screen. The screen stayed on and Jack could hear the scuff of his feet as he walked upstairs to the second level. Minutes passed without as much as a sound; so the scream, when it came…was startling. What happened next, Jack could only guess. He heard a muffled thud followed by a repeating metallic sound. Clank, clank, clank…clank…clank…clank.

More time elapsed before Jack heard anything new. It sounded like a faint laugh. "Increase volume to one hundred percent." The sound was louder now, it a low deep and throaty laugh and it went on for some time before he heard the Doctor moving about. Jack couldn't help but wince at what sounded like him falling down the stairs.

"Bloody….wha…? Wha happen' tooo the escalator?" The Doctor's Scottish accent was thick on. After some more scuffling about off screen he heard him speak again. "Ooh…there yoo are." His hand shot up to the console holding his sonic screwdriver and with a grunt he pulled himself up just to the right of the view screen. He busied himself typing coordinates and flipping levers before tugging the monitor in front of him. When he looked up at the screen Jack saw that the Doctor's eyes were once again dilated to an almost solid black and he wore a screw up grin that only left his face when he spoke.

"Time fur tha Doctor ta have some fuun." He waved his screwdriver in the air and then realized he was still holding it in his hand. He gave it a long stare and then tried to put it into the breast pocket of the jacket he wasn't wearing. After some frustration, the Doctor lifted up his shirt, exposing his pale white abdomen, and then shoved the sonic into the waistband of his pants.

Still holding up his shirt he looked down and laughed so loud Jack had to ask the voice interface lower the volume. "Did yoo see that? The Doctor backed up and looked around. "Yoo see wha' I did? He patted the screwdriver in his waistband with one hand. "I just poot my tool…", he grabbed his crotch with the other, "…with my tool!"

The Doctor carried on about his pun. He laughed non stop and began doing a little jig around the console room, occasionally sing-songingly repeating, "I poot my tool with my tool." Jack had the image fast forwarded until the Doctor stopped dancing about and returned to the console. His face and dark eyes were all serious as he pulled down on the flight levers and mumbled something too low to hear. Jack rewound and increased the volume.

"Bacchanal XXVII here I come."

Jack was stunned. Bacchanal XXVII was the name of a ship, but it wasn't just any ship. It was the only one of its kind. It was an illegal brothel that was the bane of the Shadow Proclamations' forces. Every time they shut it down, a new one took its place. They were now obviously on ship number twenty seven. With the advent of the holographic and robotic sex industry, brothels quickly became a thing of the past, or so it was thought. Some people, it seemed, still only wanted the real thing. So, The Bacchanal was born. The first one was launched over three thousand years ago. Jack remembered leading the raid as head of SP Forces that shut it down sixty two years later. It was not something he would ever forget.

There were no sex "workers" on that ship. Everyone on board, aside from the minders, was either abducted by or sold to The Cabal, the owners of the Bacchanal, and for the right price, you could experience any human or alien depravity you desired. It was even rumored that they catered to serial killers. By the time the Bacchanal VI was stopped, it was discovered that the slaves were now minding the store. Lives were led out on the ship and the only way off your back was through the ranks. There was no "getting out". Most of the people liberated from a captured ship eventually found their way back to the new one.

Jack heard the Tardis land and watched the Doctor run his hands through his hair. "I woonder how I look?" He snarked a laugh. ""What am I saying? I always look good." He moved away, presumably to the door. Jack was about to fast forward when he heard the Doctor yelling a tirade of obscenities off in the distance. He appeared back at the screen with his face all red and a blue vein about to pop out the side of his neck. He slapped the screen hard and then hit the console with his fist. "You fuckin' cow! I say where I go and when I go…not yoo!" He pulled his sonic screwdriver from his waistband and pointed it at the console. Sparks began to fly and the Doctor laughed. "How doo yoo like that?"

The Tardis responded by venting all the oxygen from the room until the Doctor passed out on the console. Jack heard his body slide off and his head thump against the floor. The screen went dark and Jack ran a thick hand down his face. "Interface, stop the recording."

He needed some air.

_. _


	10. One Thing Leads To Another

**One Thing Leads to Another**

It was three days before the Tardis console room was completely cleaned and the Doctor stabilized in the Med Pod. Both jobs had been equally tasking and both had led Jack to surprising discoveries; one of which turned out to be the Time Lords' biggest secret.

When Jack had stepped out of the Tardis for some air three days earlier he was met by his grandchildren. Technically they were his 27th, 28th, and 29th generation of grandchildren but you could only put so many greats onto grand child or grandfather before it became ridiculous. So, he kept it simple with Grandchildren and they just called him Papa.

Before he set them to work inside the Tardis, Jack went back in and covered and re-secured the console screens. He didn't want anyone to witness what else might be stored in the databanks. That would be for him alone to view once the cleanup was completed. For now, his focus would be on saving the Doctor. He put Josiah in charge of the cleanup and reiterated to them all the rules to follow while working inside the Tardis before leaving them to their work.

The med pod was being delivered by the time Jack returned to the house. The two man crew who delivered the pod insisted that they legally had to be the ones who administered the med pod to the patient. After futile arguing and listening to them laugh when he showed them a medical license from a long ago defunct University of Intergalactic Healing, he resorted to flashing his SP Badge. They tried to laugh that off too, but after some "persuasive" insistence by Jack they scanned his badge and were extremely apologetic to discover they were in the home of the SP Supreme Commander. It was a title he begrudgingly held at their insistence. Even he was surprised the credentials were still active.

It had been well over three hundred years since they last sought his assistance and The Seven Species War of the Magellan Cascade had been a lesson the entire universe had learned from. He still had bad memories about what happened. Who could have predicted the Böls would create and try to weaponize a black hole before the Shadow Proclamation forces could intervene. The massive Magellan Galaxy with its one hundred and thirty nine planets, seven of which were inhabited, two hundred and twelve moons and nearly nine billion life forms were all sucked out of existence. About a half million managed to survive, forced to depend upon one another in a giant flotilla of inter-species survivors clinging to life in whatever spaceships that were left. It was a universal crisis on an epic scale not soon forgotten.

With the universe at peace, Jack drifted back home, and after the passing of so many years he had hoped he'd been deleted from the SP database. Good thing for him, he hadn't been. Still mumbling their apologies the two medics couldn't leave fast enough.

The Med Pod was left sitting in front of his house and Jack took his time giving it the once over. It was almost thirty years since he last used one and this one was definitely a newer model. The panel arrangement and quick treatment buttons were arranged differently, but overall everything else looked the same. As he activated the LEV button to move the pod into the house, Elsbeth came out the front door wiping her hands on a checkered towel.

"Do you need any help?"

"I think I've got this."

The cylindrical shaped Pod levitated off the ground and moved forward and back as Jack played with the control pad.

"If you don't need me, then I'll be taking lunch to the boys." She slung her hand towel onto her shoulder and yelled back at the house. "Toby!" It was a minute before the screen door opened and the boy emerged struggling with a large wicker basket.

"Let's go," Elsbeth motioned him off the porch. "I'm sure your father is good and hungry by now."

He slowly made his way over, complaining as he did so. "But I want to stay here with Papa Bo and the Doctor."

Jack didn't need the boy underfoot. "Go with Grandma Elsbeth Toby."

"But.."

Elsbeth snagged the heavy basket before he dropped it. "No buts, you're coming with me." She gave him a nudge forward and as she turned to leave Jack stayed her with two fingers on her shoulder. "Make sure Toby stays out of the Tardis."

The boy heard and complained. "Awww."

Jack looked down sternly. "It's too dangerous for you to go inside right now." He put a finger under Toby's chin and lifted it up so that he could see the boy's eyes. "I promise to take you inside after your father and brothers have finished cleaning it out, but not until then. Alright?"

Toby's eyes' lit up "Thanks Papa!"

Once Elsbeth and Toby were on their way, Jack could now focus on the Doctor.

There was plenty of room for the Med Pod in his oversized bedroom, especially after he pushed his own bed against the far wall. The Doctor never stirred during the commotion or even Jack stripped him down and moved him into the Pod. Obtaining the Med Pod and getting the Doctor into it had been the easy part. Knowing how to proceed next, that was the hard part.

Med Pods were self contained mini hospitals. They came loaded with the anatomical and DNA blueprint of every known sentient species cataloged to date. That was Jack's main problem. The Gallifreyans had always been an isolationist species and never in their little known history had they allowed their DNA sequence to be disseminated. Treating the Doctor with the Med Pod might be impossible. It had probably been going on millennia now since any new sentients had been found in the universe and Jack could only hope that this new Med Pod still came with DNA extrapolation option that the original model contained. It took a while but he finally found the option buried in an interspecies birthing program.

Jack was eager to get the sequencing process started, but he knew he had one last thing to do. He had do disable the Med Pod's communication link. All Med Pod's were linked up to a dedicated medical network that updated every Pod the instant a new contagion, cure, procedure or cross-bred DNA was discovered. Any addition of new species DNA to the system would set off alarm bells across the universe and send a flood of scientists to his doorstep. Neither he nor the Doctor would want that to happen.

The communication link was easily severed and Jack quickly proceeded with the DNA sequencing. All he had to do was push a few buttons. The machine was now doing all the work. A tiny mechanical arm with an even tinier needle attached emerged from a side port and extracted a minute drop of blood from the Doctor's arm. The sequencing would probably take about an hour so Jack headed off to the kitchen to see if Elsbeth had left him anything to eat.

Nearly one hour, six sandwiches, three grundy fruits and one and a half gallons of herbal tea later, Jack returned to his bedroom eager to see the results. There were thousands of humanoid DNA profiles in the Med Pod's database and The Doctor looked humanoid enough in all his regenerations. But that was the rub; Gallifreyan's were the only species he ever knew that regenerated. Would this be of any help at all?

Jack checked the screen and it showed the sequencing was complete. He punched up the results and hoped for the best. He had to read the results twice because he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"No…no, hell no…that can't possibly be right!"

He had to run it again…just to be sure.

The results were the same. There was a 99.6% match in the system to the Doctor's DNA.

The Doctor was 99.6% human!


	11. Flotsam And Jetsam

**Flotsam and Jetsam**

Even tough Jack had difficulty coming to terms with the DNA results; he was relieved to know the Med Pod would actually be able to help the Doctor. With the Pod now programmed for human anatomy, he initiated a full body scan. The results were both encouraging and worrisome. His body showed signs of dehydration, starvation and anemia, some infected sores and lots of bruising. Those issues could be reversed in less than a couple of weeks. It was the scan of the Doctor's brain that worried him the most. He had severe swelling of the hippocampus, a marked increase in of the electrical activity of his frontal and temporal lobes along with an extreme decrease of activity in parts of his cerebral cortex. Jack knew as a trained physician that the Med Pod could heal the Doctor psychically, but mentally, whatever the Doctor had been doing to himself was going to be a lot more difficult to repair.

He instructed the Pod to administer an anesthetic before he went about the indelicate task of hooking up the Doctor to the machine. The automatic feeding tube port and oxygen tube port had to be fixed into each nostril and renal and rectal catheters had to be inserted for waste removal. His arms, legs and head had to be properly placed and secured and then wireless leads attached so that the Med Pod could function properly. Other than a Med Tech, nobody needed a doctor anymore, that's why the two had laughed at him earlier; you only had to be trained on how to hook up a patient and run the machine, you didn't need to know how to heal them.

Jack sealed the Pod and turned on the automated treatment program. He watched through the Pod's transparent top as the doctor's body was inundated by a powerful antibiotic luminescence. A blood/saline line was then robotically put into a vein in his arm and a main line was inserted into his carotid to receive the injection of repair nanites. There was nothing else for Jack to do now but wait. But waiting around helplessly was the last thing he was going to do.

Jack hurried back to the barn determined to discover what had brought the Doctor to such a sad state. It had been nearly twelve hundred years since the universe experienced the Siege of Trenzalore and it was also the last time he heard anything about the Doctor. The story that made its way to him was that the Doctor had died there defeating the Daleks and saving the universe. Part of him wished it wasn't true, the part of him that was still a young immortal time traveler, eager to see it all, to do it all, all while trying to make a difference. But it was the nearly five thousand year old time weary part of him that knew the Doctor had to be dead. Jack had met the other one once, the regeneration the Doctor never talked about. He shook his head to push away the memory as he walked along. He knew the Doctor on Trenzalore was the last. So how in the universe was he now in a Med Pod in his house? Hopefully he would find answers to all his questions in the Tardis.

He was a little concerned when he didn't see Toby or Elsbeth when he arrived at the barn. He poked his head inside the Tardis and noticed nearly half the floor space around the console had been cleared.

"Josiah, where's Toby and your Gran?"

Josiah stood up from his bent over position of picking through garbage and stretched out his legs and back as he did so. "Gran caught him peeking into the Tardis one time too many so she drug him by the ear out to the fallows to pick winceberries." Jack laughed when he noticed Barin and Joell both unconsciously touched a hand to an ear. Elsbeth had a log history of ear pulling.

He left his grandchildren to their work and turned his attention to the red and blue tubs stacked outside the Tardis. The blue ones contained books and tools and parts, and anything that looked worth saving. The red totes were for trash. They were the ones he needed to focus on first. He needed to sort through them all before anything could be permanently thrown away. One man's trash might be another man's broken chameleon circuit. Looking at the large number of red totes versus blue totes it was going to be a long tedious process. Luckily for Jack he only needed to sleep one or twice a month, so if he was diligent, it would only take a couple of days.

As he sorted through tubs and tubs of refuse Jack kept finding balled up sheets of plain paper. Some had a few words scribbled on them, others sentences, and some paragraphs. Strange thing was, he couldn't read any of it. Jack's imprint was in the Tardis' memory and it should be translating the pages for him. He even carried a few pages back into the Tardis to see if they would only translate inside. But no, it still didn't work. He knew the Tardis would not translate Gallifreyan, but he had seen their strange circular writings before. This writing was some strange unreadable cursive style longhand. The Doctor obviously had thoughts important enough to commit to paper and Jack was becoming frustrated at not being able to read any of them. He reached down and pulled out another balled up page and began to smooth it out on his leg.

Hours passed as more totes piled up and the sun crept lower on the horizon. It was now streaming through the barn door an warming the right side of Jacks body. He thought about moving his chair into the shadows as more and more sweat began collecting in the network of creases on his massive face, but he was distracted by voices at the entrance to the barn. Squinting into the sun he held up a couple of rumpled pages from his lap to block the glare. It was Toby and Elspeth back from a successful berry picking trip by the look of the basked Toby was struggling to hold. "Wel…" He was going to say 'welcome back', but it morphed into, "Well I'll be damned!"

He could read one of the pages he was holding up to block the sun. He tossed the others aside and brought the legible one back to his lap for a closer look. The page was backwards; all he writing was on the other side! The solution was so simple he couldn't see it. It was mirror writing. Everything was written from right to left and backwards. Holding the page up backwards again and into the sun, Jack could read it perfectly.

_Should have kissed her on the train!_

He held the page there basking in the serendipity of the moment until he was startled by Elsbeth's voice in his ear. "It's always a woman, isn't it?"

"What?" Jack asked. He turned to face her, unsure he'd heard her correctly.

'Your friend, the Doctor, he's got woman troubles."

She was pointing to the paper he was holding. And he could only look at her, dumfounded. "How can you possibly deduce that from only one sentence?"

She crossed her arms; more than ready to defend her statement. "Has to be. What could possibly make the most magnificently heroic figure you described to us as children, become the babbling, incoherent mess of a man we met today?"

He blinked at her a few more times, still at a loss for a reply. So he turned and reached for the papers he'd tossed aside before remarking. "Don't you have a pie that needs making?"

Elsbeth took that as her cue to leave, but not before mumbling, "I'm only sayin'," just loud enough for him to hear. She was almost out the door before Jack called out to her. "Can you look in on the Doctor for me?"

"I think I can manage that and a pie," she quipped smugly over her shoulder as she prodded Toby out of the barn.

"And keep Toby away from the Doctor!" Jack yelled after they had disappeared from view.

"Awww!"

If Toby had heard him, she had heard him.

"Ow ow ow!"

Yep, she heard him. Jack was surprised any of his grandchildren still had ears.

Settling back into his chair, Jack turned his attention to the pile of pages and scraps of paper on the ground next to him. He picked one up. Surely what happed to the Doctor couldn't be because of a woman?

He held the page up to the light. The writing on this one looked harsh and angry.

_**Why won't I learn!**_

The next one was a question.

_She died for him, so why won't she live for me?_

Most of them were disturbing.

**_Go to hell! Go to hell!_**

Especially two lists he dug out of several more totes. The first one was odd enough.

_**To do list:**_

_**1. Clara**_

_**2. Clara**_

_**3. Clara**_

It numbered into the hundreds and filled the page, repeating the same name over and over again. The second list was shorter and just wrong.

_**To do list:**_

_**1. Kill P.E.**_

_**2. Abduct Clara**_

She, her…Clara. Those words were the only constants in almost all of the notes. It looked like Elsbeth was right. But how had one woman reduced him to this? His curiosity and need to know pushed him up out of his chair. He needed to review more of the recordings in the Tardis.

* * *

><p><em>Authors note: In this chapter when I mentioned that Jack had met "The War Doctor" and I found myself wandering off into another story, So I removed about a half page of text and created a secondary story to this one about how Jack met the War Doctor, entitled <strong>Jack And The Giant Slayer.<strong> _


	12. Through The Looking Glass

**Through The Looking Glass**

Jack thanked his grandchildren for their hard work all day and sent them home for the evening. He was impressed with how much they had managed to clear out. The main and bottom levels were nearly completely cleared of rubbish. There was plenty of room now for Jack to drag in his oversized wooden folding chair and set it up in front of the console. He pulled the bindings and the covers from off the screens and settled into his chair. He wasn't sure if the screens would automatically start up again so he waited a moment. They remained dark.

"I need voice interface." His deep voice boomed off the walls.

He was expecting her, but the sudden appearance of Rose Tyler next to him still made him jump.

The hologram spoke. "I am voice interface."

"Continue showing images." The screens started to flicker to life.

"Playing images."

The first image that played followed the last one Jack had watched. The Doctor was struggling to his feet, looking disoriented. 'Interface…interface! What's happened?"

Jack could just make out a small red headed girl standing behind the Doctor. She spoke. "All air was vented from the room."

He turned to face her and all Jack could see was his back. "Why?"

"You were causing damage."

"What?'

"You were causing damage."

As the Doctor turned back around, Jack could see the little girl pointing at the console.

His eyes went wide his gaze fixed on the console below. "What happened?"

"You were causing damage," the interface kept repeating

The Doctor placed a hand to his mouth and Jack couldn't determine if it was a look of fear or confusion on his new face. He was slowly backing away from the console when the stumbled on something. Looking down, he picked it up. It was his sonic screwdriver. He stared at it for a moment and then dropped it as if it had burned his fingers. The Doctor disappeared from view and Jack could hear the sound of his hurried footsteps becoming fainter and fainter. The screen went dark.

It lit up moments later. Jack could see the Doctor with his stern face and furrowed brow as he picked up his sonic screwdriver and placed it on the console. He left the room again and the screen went dark. Jack watched the images chronologically for about twenty minutes. Most of the images were just of the Doctor pacing, or writing on and erasing his chalkboard. Sometimes he'd be reading a book while pacing. Nothing much seemed to be happening and with the number of recordings he had to view Jack knew he needed to come up with a specific search parameter.

"Interface, show me the first frame of every image, in order, on screen, fifty frames at a time."

The first fifty appeared. All showed the Doctor either coming into view or going out of view, all unremarkable.

"Next fifty."

The screen showed more of the same.

"Next…..next…..next….." This went on for several hours. Every so often he would tap an image and play it, but there was very little happening, just more pacing, reading and writing. It was nearly another hour before he noticed something. It was so subtle he almost missed it. The Doctor's eyes began lingering on the console. He skipped ahead about six hundred frames until he found a noticeable change of image. It was a full on view of the Doctor standing pensively in front of the console, one arm at his waist, the other at ninety degrees with his hand curled around his chin and mouth. Jack tapped the screen.

The Doctor remained in the same spot unmoving, but Jack could hear him mumbling to himself. "Increase volume by sixty percent."

"…can go down to the lower levels…not much there. Can't hurt the Tardis from there. Should be safe enough." He shifted his stance and began biting his thumbnail before taking a few tentative steps towards the console. He then spoke aloud again; trying to convince himself of something. Of what, Jack still had no clue.

"I just need to remove the few bad times we had, erase all memories of her with PE and then I can live with the rest. I'll be fine." He picked up the sonic screwdriver from off the console and clasped it to his chest closing his eyes. "I'll be fine," he repeated like a prayer. He then turned and walked off screen. The Doctor could be heard one last time before the screen went blank. "I'll be fine."

"Aww hell!" Jack now knew what the Doctor had been doing to himself. He was removing his memories. He also knew that with the right tool and training someone could carefully remove memories from a sleeping person during a deep REM state. But on a conscious person it would be incredibly painful and dangerous. Whenever memories are removed, high levels of dopamine are released. This side effect is fine for a sleeping person because the dopamine levels drop down to near normal levels by the end of the natural sleep cycle. On a conscious person, the sudden spike of dopamine released into the brain could cause a psychotic break. And on a conscious Time Lord? Jack was beginning to have some idea. He had to see the outcome.

"Play the next image."

The screen flashed on. The Doctor's back was to the screen and he was in mid-tirade. "….moved all the corridores! Where were you?"

The small girl could be seen again. "Voice interface command is only available at the console."

"You knew I was down there! You kept me down there for weeks! Why?"

"You would cause damage." The interface replied bluntly.

The Doctor threw out his arms in exasperation. 'Why would I cause damage?"

"You were damaged."

He took a few steps back and bumped against the console. Turning away from the girl and leaned heavily on his arms. Jack could see his face and his eyes darting back and forth. It looked like he was trying to remember. He could also see how disheveled the Doctor looked. A beard was starting to fill his jaw line, his hair was mess and the bags under his eyes were dark. His jacket was missing and his normally pristine white shirt was dulled by weeks of skin respiration, oil and sweat. One sleeve was rolled up his forearm and the other was unbuttoned. It flapped uselessly when he ran his hand down his face.

He turned back to confront her. "You kept me from my room, from the library…from the kitchen. I almost starved! If I hadn't found those protein packs in Leela's room I would have!" He started pacing as he rambled on. "Compulsive food hoarder. I took the girl out of the tribe, but not the tribe out of the girl!"

"The room was given to you," interrupted the interface.

"What? You gave me access to her room? Why not the kitchen!"

"You would have caused damage."

"Oh shut up! Quit saying that!" He stormed off out of view. A few minutes later Jack heard his voice.

"Can I have my room back?"

"The room has been returned to its original location." The interface replied bluntly.

"About time." Jack heard the Doctor mumble as he passed by the screen. He must have left the room because the screen went dark.

The next twenty images on the screen showed the Doctor looking like his usual well coiffed self.

"Next fifty." Everything looked normal.

Jack was about to continue on the next but something was nagging him. He leaned in closer and examined each still in detail. He felt like he was overlooking something.

"Next." He barked out.

It was more obvious in the following group of images. The Doctor was holding on to his screwdriver in every image. He tapped on one. The Doctor was scribbling on his chalkboard and pacing, his left hand was unconsciously holding his screwdriver the entire time.

"Stop the recording and bring back the images," Jack instructed.

One of the last frames in the group caught his eye. The Doctor was facing the console clasping the screwdriver to his chest with both hands. Jack tapped the image. Nothing happened. He leaned in again tap the screen again but saw that the counter was running in the bottom right corner of the screen. The Doctor wasn't moving. He was just standing there, contemplating…something. Moments later he began talking to his self.

"I can't let him have it again. I have to do this. I have to shut him up for good. _You can't shut me up you fool! _Watch me." The Doctor approached the console. _Don't do this, you know deep down you don't want to. _Shut up!"

Jack shook his head. Whatever happened during the missing weeks had obviously damaged the Doctors psyche.

"I'm in control, not you. _We'll see about that."_

The Doctor knelt down below the console. Jack couldn't see what he was doing but there was soon a loud clang of metal on metal. He could also hear some grunting and a few mild oaths being sworn before the Doctor appeared again partially off screen. He turned and called out. "Interface!" The girl appeared.

"I've wired the sonic screwdriver into the console. Establish a current to it of 95 milliamps. _"_

"Current established." The interface acknowledged.

"Ha!" The Doctor blurted out before disappearing below the console again, and soon from the room. The screen darkened. It looked like the Doctor knew he had a problem and that he tried to stop it from getting worse. But he had obviously failed. Jack didn't need to see any more images. He knew the outcome. But one of the old earth saying he still remembered was so true. It was like watching a train wreck. He had to know how the Doctor lost his battle of wills. He didn't have to look very far, only seventeen images into the next set of fifty. He looked angry. Jack tapped the image.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! _You know I won't shut up. You like to hear me talk. You like the things I have to say."_

"No," he shook his head defiantly, "…no I don't. _You don't like the way you felt when she breathlessly moaned your name."_

"No! _Or the time in the ofuro when she put her lips around your…"_

The Doctor threw his hands up to uselessly cover his ears. "Stop it! _If you want me stop it, then why don't you remove it?"_

"I can't. _Why not?"_

" It's all I have left. _I can give you more."_

"What…how? _Voice interface!"_

"No…don't! _Show me Clara Oswald."_

The Doctor dropped to his knees. Now all Jack could see was the Doctors head with his face buried in his hands and a beautiful brunette visage of voice interface standing in front of him. The Doctor continued talking, mumbling through his hands.

"_Go ahead and look. You know you want to. _I can't."

"_But it's been so long since you've seen her. Just one look!"_

His hands came away from his face and he was staring reverently up at the hologram.

"Clara!"

'I am not Clara Oswald. I am voice interface."

The Doctor ignored the interface's reply. "I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"I do not understand the question."

When his left hand came up and his wiped at his cheek, Jack thought he must be crying. "Can you forgive me for taking you to Karn? I should have asked you first. I'm sorry."

The machine could only repeat itself. "I do not understand the question."

"Please, please Clara…tell me you still love me. I need to know."

"I am not Clara Oswald. I am voice interface."

"Tell me you love me, please!" The doctor pleaded.

"That is not in my function parameters."

The Doctor's head disappeared from view but Jack could still hear him. "No, no, no, no! It's not her! _Of course it's not her, you fool! But it's sooo good to see her again."_

"What are you doing? Stop that! _Hey! Let's see if she can take off all her clothes. I bet you'd really like to see that!_

The Doctor's head appeared again_. "Voice interface can you remove…"_

He then jumped to his feet yelling fiercely. "Go away! Both of you just go away and leave me alone!"

The interface spoke. "Do you wish to terminate voice interface function?"

"Yes! _No!"_

"Go away!" He screamed at no one.

"_You first." _He replied_._

The Doctor disappeared from screen and only the girl's image remained. Jack could hear him crashing about still screaming, "Go away! Go away!" Soon a book flashed across the screen and passed through the voice interface image. More books were thrown at her. "Go away!" When books weren't flying past the screen things were crashing, and breaking off screen. "Go away!" Jack wondered how long it would be before the Doctor tired himself out. The silence, when it came, was startling. But what Jack saw next was even more startling. It was the Doctor, standing in front of the console screen with a wicked looking grin on his face.

It was obvious he'd lost the one battle he could never win. The Doctor had lost the battle with himself.

.


	13. Down The Rabbit Hole

**Down The Rabbit Hole**

The tableau on the screen worried Jack. What man would he find when the Doctor wakes up, the sad heartbroken man or the crude maniacal version currently onscreen? This Doctor stood motionless for some time staring at the console. When Jack saw him purse his lips and tightly clench his jaw, he knew a decision had been made. The Doctor dove beneath the console letting out a defiant growl that was quickly cut off by a crackling pop followed by the blindingly bright light of and electrical arc filling the screen. As the light dimmed a continuous electrical buzzing followed. The noise didn't worry Jack so much as the swirl of black smoke coming up from below.

_He should be dead! _ The Doctor knew what he was doing earlier. Anything under 100 milliamps would disrupt all cardiac function and ensure certain death. And yet?

Through the puffs of smoke Jack could see that the voice interface had reappeared. The hologram of the little girl moved nearer the console. It stopped and looked down at the floor. "The Doctor is not allowed to die." Jack ran a hand down his rough hewn face. _The Tardis had intervened! _

The silence was interrupted by a brief coughing fit followed by a howl of excruciating pain. The Doctor shot to his feet and started flailing about, on and off screen. "Aaahhhh! Aahhhhh!" His cries lessened, as did his jumping about and Jack was finally able to see the cause of his pain. The amount of electrical current the Doctor received as he tore his sonic screwdriver free from the wires had melded it to the palm of his hand. The heat alone must have been unbearable, not to mention the pain he was experiencing from his seared flesh. The Doctor finally fell into a chair against the railing just to the right of the screen, only his shoulder was visible. Jack could hear him breathing heavily. A moment later he screamed out in pain again and something hit the floor with a loud _Clang_! The Doctor then spent the next few minutes hunched over in his chair moaning before he stood and staggered from the room.

The Doctor wore a bandage on his hand in the next four hundred images as he busied himself. He never said a word and he never stopped near the camera again. He just kept on passing by, going to and fro, always favoring his injured hand while carrying armloads of supplies into the console room. He carried in protein packs, water containers, clothing, and tools, lots and lots of tools. A mattress passed the screen. It looked like he was preparing for a siege. The day finally came when the walking stopped and the working started.

When the work started, he never left the console room and after a while the camera never shut off. He spent most of his time either below the main deck or under the console. Jack could only guess that the Doctor was trying to take control of the Tardis again. It was probably why he never left the room. If he left, he'd be locked out. How far was the Tardis willing to go to stop him? Jack eventually found out.

He forwarded the recording and stopped when there was an abrupt change on the screen. The Tardis control room had darkened. Jack scrolled back and played the last image before the change. The Doctor could be seen tugging a thick bundle of cables across the room before he pulled the ends back over to the console. He disappeared underneath and Jack could hear the faint whirring of the Doctor's sonic screwdriver. This continued on for several minutes before all hell broke loose.

The cloister bells began to sound and Jack heard a loud bang before the Doctor popped up from beneath the console rubbing the back of his head. He started flipping switches and began typing frantically on the keyboard. He looked up at the screen and rapped it with his knuckles before slapping the side of it with the palm of his hand.

"There's nothing there!" He growled as he looked up at the ceiling.

The Tardis replied with a loud squelch, and began shaking so violently that the Doctor was thrown off his feet. Jack could hear him yelling as he was being tossed about with his supplies. Books rained down from the upper level and the lights flickered on and off. The commotion stopped when the room went dark and the stillness was broken by the Doctor's yelling.

"No, no, no! You can't put yourself in siege mode! I'm not a threat!" He appeared back at the console, turning knobs and flipping more switches, all to no avail. Frustration filled his features as he pounded his fists on the console. "I just want out!

He received no reply.

The Doctor was not a man to give up easily. He returned to work under the console, presumably now to try and disable the siege mode. Jack fast forwarded again, two days ahead, five days ahead. The all showed the Doctor diligently working away, torch in hand. He forwarded through fifty seven days before the recording ended. Jack wanted to see if the Doctor managed to get the Tardis out of siege mode. He pulled up the next recorded image and what he saw didn't make sense. The Doctor's appearance had drastically changed. The lights were back on and he was wearing a plaid bathrobe. His face showed several days growth of beard coming in. Glancing at the on screen counter Jack noticed a significant jump in time. Something wasn't right

"Stop the recording."

He went back a frame and tapped on the last darkened image. The Doctor appeared from below the console with a large spanner in his hand. He set it down on the console with a heavy thump and leaned his weight onto his splayed arms. He looked weary and sounded defeated.

"Need a gravametric capacitor…don't have one. Could tear apart communications and environmentals and make one. Then I would need two vellinni couplers and twenty seven feet of heat resistant cable…more hunting, could fine some...somewhere. And after that…all I need is a cold fusion converter powered by the single atom of a White Dwarf…don't have one!"

"Aaargggg!" The Doctor flung the spanner out of futility and its impact reverberated around the room long after the doctor had left. The screen went black.

Comparing that image count with the next Jack calculated that a couple of weeks had passed. He restarted the image with him dressed in the bathrobe and watched as his left hand came up and he took a sip from a coffee mug he was holding. Jack could only wonder why he had a mug with _Worlds Greatest Teacher_ stenciled on its side_. _With his right hand the Doctor fished something out of his bathrobe pocket. Jack couldn't see what it was at first, but as he flipped it into the air and caught it again and again, Jack could tell it was his sonic screwdriver.

"Voice interface." The Doctor commanded.

The small redheaded girl appeared again. "I am voice interface."

"No, no, no. That won't do. Change interface image to Clara Oswald."

The image faded out and reformed into young brunette that had reduced the Doctor to tears before. This Doctor though, was unaffected. "Ah, my dear Clara, you're looking lovely today."

"I am not Clara Oswald. I am voice interface."

The left side of the Doctor's face curled upwards into a half grin. "Oh Clara, you don't need to be coy with me."

"I am not Clara Oswald. I am voice interface."

"Let's have some fun. What do you say Clara?"

"I am not Clara …"

"Oh, shut up and follow me," the Doctor interrupted. He passed by the hologram and moved off screen. The image of the girl reversed itself and was now facing the opposite direction. Jack heard some rustling noise and then the sound of the sonic screwdriver being turned on. The Doctors scream came next.

Jack was surprised when the girl's spoke after the scream stopped. "The Doctor is not allowed…" It almost sounded confused as it moved in the Doctors direction. "The Doctor is not allowed to…"

"Oh ho! Oh yes! Yes! That is good!" The Doctor was conscious again and his deep laughter echoed around the vaulted chamber. He kept on laughing until the interface spoke again.

"The Doctor is not allowed to harm himself."

The Doctor's reply was swift. "Oh I'm not? Well what are you going to do about it, huh?"

There was no reply.

"Didn't think so! You're a hologram. You can't touch me. You can't take this from me!" Jack heard the metallic rattle of the sonic screwdriver being shaken.

The hologram repeated her statement. "The doctor is not allowed…."

"I know…I know! I'm not allowed to go where I want! I'm not allowed to leave! Well you know what? I'll do what I want. You can't stop me from doing that."

Again, there was no reply.

So the Doctor spoke. "And do you want to know what I want right now? I want you to undress for me."

"That is not in my program."

"Oh forget it! I'll just use my imagination."

It remained quiet for a while until Jack heard the Doctor moaning in the background. He didn't need to see or hear anymore. "Stop the recording."

Jack blew out a tired breath as he pulled his AV unit from his shirt pocket. He checked the time and discovered that the sun would be coming up soon and that meant his grandchildren would be returning. He hoped he could get the answer to one final question before they arrived. _How long had the Doctor been alone in the Tardis?_

Jack went back to scanning images fifty at a time. There were gaps in time between some of them. Sometimes days, months and even years passed before the Doctor set foot back in the console room. And when he did, he always looked different. He never wore his trademark outfit again. Most of the time, he wore his black pants with just a white t-shirt. Sometimes it was just his boxers and a t-shirt. The bathrobe made more appearances, along with a khaki safari outfit complete with pith helmet, and then there was the blue and white plaid Bermuda shorts with pink polo shirt and sunglasses. One time he appeared in robes resplendent with a high arching collar that towered above his head. A few times the Doctor even dressed like a Roman Emperor. Jack could only shake his head and wonder what that was all about.

His hair changed about as often as his clothing. Long, short, beard, no beard. One time after a two and a half year absence he showed up with his hair and beard all long and matted. Two images later he had shave it all off. It wasn't long before Jack made it to the final visual image, the one where the Doctor covered the screens. He played it back to see what had sent the Doctor over the edge.

The Doctor stopped at the console to set his sonic screwdriver down. His eyes were dilated and black and there was a trickle of blood starting to run out his left nostril. He wiped at it with the back of his hand and when he saw the smear of blood he pulled a previously used and bloodied handkerchief from his pocket and pushed it against his nose. It gave his voice a nasal quality when he spoke.

"Voice interface."

The small redheaded girl and not the beautiful brunette appeared next to him. Looking over his shoulder he was miffed to see the image of the little girl. "Bring back the image of Clara Oswald."

"The image of Clara Oswald had been deleted."

The Doctored whirled round to confront the hologram. "What did you say?"

"The image of Clara Oswald has been deleted."

"No, you can't do that! You can't take her! You've taken everything else, you can't take her too! Why did you have to take her?" His voice broke as he uttered his final plea.

The console screen in front of him came on in reply. Jack could still see the Doctor as images played out for him on screen. He was being shown what the Tardis had been recording. The Doctors facial features began to morph. His already fierce eyebrows grew into mountainous peaks and veins in his temple and cheek took on a life of their own, visibly throbbing as they tried to contain the Doctor's rapidly increasing heartbeats. His naturally pale face turned red and his this lips swelled as his mouth curled up to release an angry tirade.

"You fucking cunt! How dare you!" He stormed off and Jack could hear him tearing through the room. The opposite screen showed him digging through stacks of supplies. Once he found what he needed he grabbed the screen and pulled it around to the other.

"I won't have you watching me! No more!" The Doctor covered the screens.

Jack stopped the recording. Checking the time stamp on the screen, he calculated the amount of time from the first recording to the last. Ninety two years! Damn! But how much time had passed since the last recorded image? Jack reached up and pulled the black cloth from the screens. "Start recording."

The Tardis recording kept a constant running chronological log. He just needed to get a current date and he could deduct the difference. He focused on the larger numbers as the infinitesimal nanoseconds scroll by in a blur. He quickly subtracted the numbers in his head. Sixty five years! The Doctor had spent a total of one hundred and fifty seven years trapped inside all alone and he was slowly dying, one memory at a time, despite the Tardis' best efforts to save him from hurting himself or others.

Jack reached into his shirt pocket again. This time he pulled out the Doctor's sonic screwdriver. He looked it over before pulling off the outer cover. He was relieved to see the bars of its memory flashing at seventy seven percent capacity. All of the Doctor's memories were still safely stored inside. Pulling out a memory was easy. Restoring thousands…that was going to be difficult.


End file.
